1The aim is not to become someone with no force in them. It is to get a harness on the force and point it at something worth doing.
Anger usually knows something true: this was unfair, this matters to me, this cannot carry on. Keep that part and drop the delivery. The energy can go into the letter, the boundary, the conversation you have been putting off, instead of into whoever happens to be nearest.
Islamic evidence
I plead my grief and sorrow before God (Quran 12:86). Ya'qub neither swallows what he feels nor spends it on the people around him. He takes it somewhere it can be held.
“He said, ‘I plead my grief and sorrow before God. I have knowledge from God that you do not have”
Qur'an 12:86
Psychological evidence
In a pilot randomised trial, an eight week loving kindness programme for people with chronic low back pain reduced both pain and anger. It is a useful hint that a practice aimed at goodwill can move anger without anyone trying to suppress it. The trial was small and preliminary, in one particular patient group.
Carson JW, Keefe FJ, Lynch TR, Carson KM, Goli V, Fras AM, Thorp SR. (2005). Journal of holistic nursing : official journal of the American Holistic Nurses' Association · doi
Review detail
Why it works. Energy that has somewhere to go stops looking for somewhere to leak.
Feedback
none yet2Look back at a fight you went out of your way to have and pride is often what was driving. Being right and being respected feel like needs in the moment, and they cost far more than they return.
This changes what there is to work on. Breathing exercises will not touch a fight you are having in order to prove you are somebody. The question underneath is what you would still be if you let the comment pass, and that one is worth sitting with rather than answering quickly.
Islamic evidence
Everything will perish except His Face (Quran 28:88). Standing that has to be defended in a stairwell was never going to be the lasting kind.
“Do not call out to any other god beside God, for there is no god but Him. Everything will perish except His Face. His is the Judgement and to Him you shall all be brought back”
Qur'an 28:88
Psychological evidence
Across twenty three studies, loving kindness and compassion meditation produced small improvements in life satisfaction. Small is the honest word for it, and it points at a broader base for feeling all right about yourself than winning the next exchange. The studies pooled were varied, so the estimate is rough.
Gu X, Luo W, Zhao X, Chen Y, Zheng Y, Zhou J, Zeng X, Yan L, Chen Y, Zhang X, Lv J, Lang Y, Wang Z, Gao C, Jiang Y, Li R. (2022). Applied psychology. Health and well-being · doi
Review detail
Why it works. Anger that is defending your standing keeps coming back until your standing feels less fragile.