InInshirahislamically integrated self-help
ApproachGottman
Time5 minutes
MomentUnder stress
1There is a difference between stepping out and storming out, and most of it sits in whether the other person knows you are coming back.
GottmanChoosing your response5 minutesQur'an 43:89

Two failures sit either side of this one. The first is staying in the room until something is said that cannot be unsaid. The second is going quiet and cold, which feels like restraint from the inside and like a wall from the outside. What you are aiming at is leaving the argument without leaving the person.

Islamic evidence

Turn away from them and say, 'Peace': they will come to know (Quran 43:89). Turning away comes paired with a word of peace, and that pairing is what keeps it from being a slammed door.

but turn away from them and say, ‘Peace’: they will come to know

Qur'an 43:89

Psychological evidence

A meta-analysis of how emotion regulation strategies relate to each other found that they group into broad families of engaging with a situation or turning away from it, so the useful question is often which stance you are taking rather than which technique. Stepping out and shutting down can look alike from outside and sit in different families. The analysis is about how strategies cluster, not about how couples fare, so treat it as a way of thinking rather than a finding about relationships.

Naragon-Gainey K, McMahon TP, Chacko TP. (2017). Psychological bulletin · doi

Review detail

Why it works. A short, announced break brings your body down without telling the other person they no longer matter.

angerUnder stressscholar review pendinganger-0639-leaving-without-abandoning

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