InInshirahislamically integrated self-help
ApproachGottman
Time60 seconds
MomentUnder stress
1Before you walk out, say three things: this is getting heated, I need a bit of space, I will be back and we will carry on. The sentence is the skill, not the walking.
GottmanChoosing your response60 secondsQur'an 33:70

An exit with no words is read as punishment, and the other person will usually follow you to finish it, which is how a break turns into the worst part of the argument. Keep it short and keep it about you. Naming a time helps more than anything else in it, even a loose one like after Maghrib.

Islamic evidence

Believers, be mindful of God, speak in a direct fashion and to good purpose (Quran 33:70). A plain sentence about needing a pause is exactly that sort of speech.

Believers, be mindful of God, speak in a direct fashion and to good purpose

Qur'an 33:70

Psychological evidence

Pooled data from 48 samples and more than 21,000 people found that habitually hiding what you feel went with more depression, anxiety and negative feeling, while reframing went with more positive feeling and life satisfaction. That research is about the person doing the hiding, not about how a silent exit lands on a partner, so it supports saying something rather than nothing without proving what the words do. Take it as a reason not to make silence your method.

Hu T, Zhang D, Wang J, Mistry R, Ran G, Wang X. (2014). Psychological reports · doi

Review detail

Why it works. Saying you will come back tells the other person they have not been abandoned, so they have no reason to chase you.

angerUnder stressscholar review pendinganger-0638-say-you-are-coming-back

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