1A lot of angry certainty is frightened certainty. Needing to know exactly what is going on, and exactly who is at fault, is more comfortable than admitting the situation cannot be fully read.
From the outside it looks like arrogance, and from the inside it feels like clarity. Underneath it is usually the same discomfort as any other anxiety: not knowing feels dangerous, so a firm answer gets manufactured. Treating it as fear rather than as ego changes how you go at it, in somebody else and in yourself.
Islamic evidence
Do not follow blindly what you do not know to be true (Quran 17:36). Holding back from claiming knowledge you do not have is what is asked, and it is the opposite of what anger wants.
“Do not follow blindly what you do not know to be true: ears, eyes, and heart, you will be questioned about all these”
Qur'an 17:36
Psychological evidence
In two longitudinal samples of crime victims, post-traumatic stress symptoms predicted later anger more strongly than anger predicted later symptoms, which suggests anger can sit downstream of threat that has not been worked through. Anger following fear rather than causing it is at least consistent with what is described here. In a separate cross-sectional sample of inpatient substance users, particular kinds of childhood abuse were linked to aggression and to difficulty handling emotion, though cross-sectional data cannot establish the order.
Orth U, Cahill SP, Foa EB, Maercker A. (2008). Journal of consulting and clinical psychology · doi
Banducci AN, Hoffman EM, Lejuez CW, Lejuez CW, Koenen KC, Koenen KC. (2014). Child abuse & neglect · doi
Review detail
Why it works. Certainty feels like control, and control is what fear is looking for.
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none yet2Not knowing is not a fault in you. It is the ordinary condition of being alive, and much of the distress comes from the belief that it ought to be otherwise.
There is the discomfort of not knowing, and then a second layer on top: the sense that you were supposed to know by now and something has gone wrong. The second layer is usually the heavier of the two and it is the one that can go first. You do not have to become comfortable with uncertainty in order to stop treating it as a personal failing.
Islamic evidence
Avoid making too many assumptions (Quran 49:12). The instruction is to hold your guesses loosely, which takes for granted that you were never going to have the full picture.
“Believers, avoid making too many assumptions- some assumptions are sinful- and do not spy on one another or speak ill of people behind their backs: would any of you like to eat the flesh of your dead brother? No, you would hate it. So be mindful of God: God…”
Qur'an 49:12
Psychological evidence
Across several experiments, people who had just been socially excluded reported stronger religious affiliation and more intention to take part in religious practice than people who had not been excluded. When the ground moves, people reach for something steadier, which is a very human response rather than a weakness. These were brief laboratory manipulations of exclusion, so they show a tendency rather than describing anybody's faith.
Aydin N, Fischer P, Frey D. (2010). Personality & social psychology bulletin · doi
Review detail
Why it works. Half the weight of not knowing is the belief that you ought to know.
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none yet3Righteous anger pays you something. It burns off doubt, hands back a sense of being in charge, and can feel very close to intoxicating.
Any plan that treats anger purely as a skills problem runs into this. You are asking somebody to give up a thing that works, and it is fairer to say that out loud than to pretend otherwise. What is worth naming is precisely what would be lost: the certainty, the standing, the surge. Then the real question is what else could supply any of it.
Islamic evidence
I do not pretend to be blameless (Quran 12:53). Naming the pull inside yourself, rather than claiming to be above it, is what the verse models.
“I do not pretend to be blameless, for man’s very soul incites him to evil unless my Lord shows mercy: He is most forgiving, most merciful.’”
Qur'an 12:53
Psychological evidence
In a placebo controlled study, a single dose of testosterone rapidly increased aggressive behaviour, but only in men who were already high in dominance or impulsivity. That is one demonstration of a real physiological pull behind aggression, varying a good deal between people, rather than it being purely a matter of choice. It does not show that anger is rewarding in the way described here, which stays a clinical observation.
Carré JM, Geniole SN, Ortiz TL, Bird BM, Videto A, Bonin PL. (2017). Biological psychiatry · doi
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Why it works. Something that rewards you will keep coming back until you know what the reward was.
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none yet4Your mind is always slightly behind what is happening. Reality moves and you are the response, which leaves you permanently a step late and permanently not quite sure.
Put that way, uncertainty is not a flaw in your thinking, it is the position you are standing in. You are flying into the next moment without having seen it yet. There is a strange comfort in that, and it takes some of the shame out of being wrong, which is one of the things anger is usually protecting you from.
Islamic evidence
God knows what they conceal and what they reveal (Quran 16:23). Complete knowledge is placed with God, which quietly concedes that yours is partial.
“There is no doubt that God knows what they conceal and what they reveal. He does not love the arrogant”
Qur'an 16:23
Psychological evidence
In a pharmacological challenge study, physiological levels of testosterone rapidly increased how strongly the brain reacted to threat cues in healthy men, and a small placebo controlled study of twelve participants found a similar rise in responsiveness to social threat. Both point at threat processing running fast and early, ahead of anything deliberate. Both were small and involved giving men a hormone, so they say nothing about anybody's ordinary Tuesday.
Goetz SM, Tang L, Thomason ME, Diamond MP, Hariri AR, Carré JM. (2014). Biological psychiatry · doi
Hermans EJ, Ramsey NF, van Honk J. (2008). Biological psychiatry · doi
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Why it works. You cannot be certain about something you are still catching up with.
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none yet5Understand more so that you may fear less. That line is the whole point of learning how your anger works: not cleverness, just less fear.
People with a temper are rarely persuaded by being told to calm down, and are often genuinely interested in how the machinery works. Knowing what happens in your body, what the anger is guarding and what it costs makes the whole thing less mysterious. Less mysterious means less frightening, and less frightening means there is less to defend.
Islamic evidence
He teaches you, so that you may take heed (Quran 16:90). Teaching is given a purpose there, which is that something changes afterwards.
“God commands justice, doing good, and generosity towards relatives and He forbids what is shameful, blameworthy, and oppressive. He teaches you, so that you may take heed”
Qur'an 16:90
Psychological evidence
A longitudinal study following 380 children from age ten into young adulthood found that proneness to shame predicted later risky and illegal behaviour, while proneness to guilt was protective. Two feelings that look alike from outside led somewhere quite different, which is a decent argument that understanding what is actually driving you is not an idle exercise. It is one cohort followed over time, so it shows a pattern rather than fixing anybody's course.
Stuewig J, Tangney JP, Kendall S, Folk JB, Meyer CR, Dearing RL. (2015). Child psychiatry and human development · doi
Review detail
Why it works. What you understand you can be less afraid of, and what you fear less you defend less fiercely.