1The hidden finger tap is weaker than a mark on paper. Better to know that now than to find it out when it fails you.
A written page holds you to it. The marks are still there afterwards, and there is no pretending you drifted for ten minutes. So learn it that way first, until the noticing is second nature. The tap is for taking it out into the world once the noticing no longer needs propping up.
Islamic evidence
when you recite the Quran, seek God's protection from the outcast, Satan (Quran 16:98). The protection is set up at the start, before anything has gone wrong, which is the same order of operations.
“[Prophet], when you recite the Quran, seek God’s protection from the outcast, Satan”
Qur'an 16:98
Psychological evidence
A twelve week mindfulness and kindness programme improved preschoolers' self regulation and their sharing compared with a control group. What stands out is the twelve weeks: these capacities came with sustained practice rather than one good sitting. It was young children in classrooms, a long way from an adult with a notepad, so take it as a point about duration.
Flook L, Goldberg SB, Pinger L, Davidson RJ. (2015). Developmental psychology · doi
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Why it works. Something you can see afterwards keeps you more honest than something that leaves no trace.
Feedback
none yet2It helps to get one real taste of this early, in a single sitting, rather than waiting weeks to find out whether any of it is for you.
A first go that actually works gives you a reason to come back, and plenty of people never do come back. But one sitting builds nothing on its own. Whatever changes comes from the small amount you do in between, on ordinary days, when nothing has happened yet.
Islamic evidence
I seek refuge with you, Lord, so that they may not come near me (Quran 23:98). The asking is done ahead of time, before anything has come near, which is the reason to practise on a quiet day.
“I seek refuge with you, Lord, so that they may not come near me.’”
Qur'an 23:98
Psychological evidence
In a randomised study, repeated practice at small everyday self control tasks improved how people did on later self control tasks, which suggests this is a capacity that answers to training rather than a fixed allowance. The study was small and short term, so how long any gain lasts is unknown. It still points at the days in between rather than at the one good session.
Cranwell J, Benford S, Houghton RJ, Golembewski M, Fischer JE, Hagger MS. (2014). Cyberpsychology, behavior and social networking · doi
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Why it works. An early taste keeps you interested, and repetition is what actually builds the skill.
Feedback
none yet3Pick the news channel you cannot stand and watch ten minutes of it on purpose. The only job is to notice what rises in you and let it go by.
Real provocation turns up when you are least ready for it. This gives you the feeling with nothing at stake: the indignation, the tightening, the urge to argue with a screen. Watch it come and watch it go, then stop while it is still comfortably manageable.
Islamic evidence
Only those who are steadfast in patience, only those who are blessed with great righteousness, will attain to such goodness (Quran 41:35). The verse is about answering a bad turn with a better one, which is the capacity this rehearsal is building.
“but only those who are steadfast in patience, only those who are blessed with great righteousness, will attain to such goodness”
Qur'an 41:35
Psychological evidence
A randomised trial with young people who had high levels of worry and rumination found that a six week group training reduced the later onset of anxiety and depression. That supports building a skill before the crisis rather than during it. It was a prevention trial in young people, not a study of deliberately winding yourself up, so the parallel is with the timing rather than the method.
Topper M, Emmelkamp PM, Watkins E, Ehring T. (2017). Behaviour research and therapy · doi
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Why it works. Practising the response while genuinely stirred is what makes it available when it is a person and not a screen.
When not to. Choose material that irritates rather than material that frightens, and leave it alone if it touches something you have actually lived through.
Feedback
none yet4Even one go at this leaves you with something. You have seen for yourself that the anger can be handled, and that does not expire when you walk out of the room.
The picture is not killing the anger off. It is closer to getting a big animal under control and walking it home: still strong, still yours, going roughly where you point it. Plenty of people only ever do this once. If that turns out to be you, the thing worth keeping is the memory of the moment you had hold of it.
Islamic evidence
who shun great sins and gross indecencies; who forgive when they are angry (Quran 42:37). The forgiving happens while the anger is still live, so the anger itself is not the thing being got rid of.
“who shun great sins and gross indecencies; who forgive when they are angry”
Qur'an 42:37
Psychological evidence
In a randomised controlled trial, brief therapist supported internet treatments teaching either mindful awareness of emotion or reinterpreting a situation both reduced problematic anger, and combining the two added nothing clear. Short does appear to do something. Those were still structured programmes with support, so a single sitting has rather less behind it than that.
Bjureberg J, Ojala O, Berg A, Edvardsson E, Kolbeinsson Ö, Molander O, Morin E, Nordgren L, Palme K, Särnholm J, Wedin L, Rück C, Gross JJ, Hesser H. (2023). Journal of consulting and clinical psychology · doi
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Why it works. Having felt yourself hold anger once makes it believable that you could do it again.
Feedback
none yet5The real skill is not spotting the hole in their reasoning. It is running the same test on the belief you hold most tightly.
Pick something you are sure of, something you would defend at a family dinner, and ask what it would look like if it were only mostly true. Where does it fail. Who does it fail. Doing that once, honestly, on your own ground does more for your temper than a hundred rounds of taking apart somebody else's argument.
Islamic evidence
man will only have what he has worked towards (Quran 53:39). Attention drifts to what other people have got wrong, and this pulls it back to your own portion.
“that man will only have what he has worked towards”
Qur'an 53:39
Psychological evidence
In a randomised trial with students who had symptoms of depression and anxiety, three sessions of either the Attention Training Technique or mindful self-compassion reduced symptoms, with neither clearly better than the other. Two quite different methods arriving at much the same place is a useful reminder that no single framework holds all of it. The trial was small and short, and it was not a test of self-scrutiny.
Haukaas RB, Gjerde IB, Varting G, Hallan HE, Solem S. (2018). Frontiers in psychology · doi
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Why it works. A belief you have already questioned yourself does not need defending when someone else prods it.