1Shouting it out does not empty the tank. Going over it loudly, in your head or at somebody, tends to keep the anger topped up rather than draining it.
There is a difference between letting pressure out of the body and rehearsing the grievance. A walk, a swim, hard cleaning, prayer: all of that shifts the physical charge. Retelling the story with heat in your voice, even to a sympathetic friend, is mostly practising the anger one more time.
Islamic evidence
You, soul at peace (Quran 89:27). A settled soul is what is being aimed at, and going over the grievance out loud takes you the other way.
“‘[But] you, soul at peace”
Qur'an 89:27
Psychological evidence
In a set of experimental and cross sectional studies, people who exercised regularly recovered from a laboratory stressor with less rumination, and a single bout of exercise improved recovery. A laboratory stressor is not a family row, and part of the evidence is cross sectional, so the causal claim should stay modest. It points towards moving the body rather than replaying the incident.
Bernstein EE, McNally RJ. (2018). Behaviour research and therapy · doi
Review detail
Why it works. Going back over the episode brings the body up again, so the retelling keeps the state alive.
Feedback
none yet2Anger leaves fuel in the body with nowhere to go. Spend it on something physical, without replaying the argument while you do.
This is not getting it off your chest. The target is the surplus energy, so stairs, a brisk walk, or a hard ten minutes of almost anything will do the job. The moment you notice yourself rehearsing what you should have said, bring your attention back to your legs or your breathing. You want to come back tired and quiet, not sharpened.
Islamic evidence
In His mercy He has given you night and day, so that you may rest and seek His bounty and be grateful (Quran 28:73). Exertion and settling are named as parts of one cycle rather than as opposites.
“In His mercy He has given you night and day, so that you may rest and seek His bounty and be grateful.’”
Qur'an 28:73
Psychological evidence
A study using both an experiment and a survey found that regular exercisers ruminated less after a laboratory stressor, and that a single bout of exercise improved recovery. That fits movement as a way through rather than a way round. A laboratory stressor is a mild stand in for a real row, and the survey half cannot tell us which way the arrow runs.
Bernstein EE, McNally RJ. (2018). Behaviour research and therapy · doi
Review detail
Why it works. Movement spends the arousal that anger switched on, and a spent body is much easier to think inside.