1If you genuinely cannot remember what you said, that is often true rather than a dodge. Under a big surge of stress the part of the brain that writes the story goes quiet, while the part that records the feeling gets louder.
So you end up with no account of the row and a strong charge attached to the kitchen, the tone of voice, the hour of the night. Arguing over who said what is usually a dead end. Saying I do not remember it, tell me what it was like, is not an evasion as long as you follow it with putting things right.
Islamic evidence
Moses' mother felt a void in her heart (Quran 28:10). A mind under real fear does not work the way it usually does, and that is described without blame.
“The next day, Moses’ mother felt a void in her heart––if We had not strengthened it to make her one of those who believe, she would have revealed everything about him––”
Qur'an 28:10
Psychological evidence
A theoretical review of post-traumatic distress proposed that fear is not the whole story, and that numbing and dissociation form a separate pathway with a different brain pattern behind it. Blankness and gaps are treated in that literature as recognised parts of the picture rather than as signs of lying. It is a model built from other findings, so it is a way of organising the evidence rather than a result in itself.
Lanius RA, Frewen PA, Vermetten E, Yehuda R. (2010). European journal of psychotraumatology · doi
Review detail
Why it works. Under heavy stress the system that keeps the narrative and the one that keeps the alarm do not record at the same strength.
When not to. This explains the gap, it does not settle what you owe, so ask the person who was there and take responsibility for the effect either way.
Feedback
none yet2When your reaction is far bigger than the thing that set it off, the honest conclusion is not that you are losing your mind. Something in you learned this response somewhere, quietly, and you were never consulted about it.
The fear of being unstable is what keeps these episodes hidden, and hidden episodes never get worked on. Try saying it plainly to yourself afterwards: that was a learned reaction, it was too big for this, and I would like to find out what it belongs to. Said in that order it stays a puzzle rather than a diagnosis.
Islamic evidence
Man was truly created anxious (Quran 70:19). An anxious baseline is described as part of the human make-up, not as evidence that something has gone wrong with you.
“Man was truly created anxious”
Qur'an 70:19
Psychological evidence
A systematic review found that harsh self-criticism runs across many different conditions rather than belonging to depression alone, behaving as a general vulnerability. Turning on yourself for the reaction is therefore not a neutral act. An early review of compassion-focused therapy found it promising for exactly this group, people driven by shame and self-criticism, while noting the evidence base was still small.
Werner AM, Tibubos AN, Rohrmann S, Reiss N. (2019). Journal of affective disorders · doi
Leaviss J, Uttley L. (2015). Psychological medicine · doi
Review detail
Why it works. Calling yourself broken adds shame on top of fear, and shame is what keeps the whole thing out of sight.