1When the words for feelings are not there, ask for a number instead. How much did the handwashing take over this week, one to ten, is a question someone can answer on a bad day.
A number asks far less of a person than a description, which matters when putting feelings into language is hard for them, and you still end up with something you can both track week to week. It also lets someone report a rough week without handing over the details of it. Keep the wording the same each time so the numbers mean something.
Islamic evidence
God does not burden any soul with more than it can bear (Quran 2:286). Asking for a number rather than an account is asking for something a person can actually give today.
“God does not burden any soul with more than it can bear: each gains whatever good it has done, and suffers its bad- ‘ Lord, do not take us to task if we forget or make mistakes. Lord, do not burden us as You burdened those before us. Lord, do not burden us…”
Qur'an 2:286
Psychological evidence
A meta-analysis pooling randomised trials across all ages found that cognitive behavioural therapy built around exposure and response prevention produces a large reduction in obsessive-compulsive symptoms compared with control conditions. Ratings are one of the ways into that kind of structured work, giving you something to grade steps against. The evidence is for the treatment, not for asking the question this way, which has not been tested on its own.
Reid JE, Laws KR, Drummond L, Vismara M, Grancini B, Mpavaenda D, Fineberg NA. (2021). Comprehensive psychiatry · doi
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Why it works. A number is easier to give than a description, so you get an answer instead of a shrug.
Feedback
none yet2Agree a short phrase to use at home. Saying I am having OCD worries tells a parent what is going on without handing them the worry to solve.
Once a parent hears the details they will nearly always try to help by answering, and answering is the thing that feeds it. A label gives them something else to do: sit with you, put the kettle on, remind you of what you both agreed. It turns the person most likely to keep it going into the person best placed to help.
Islamic evidence
Lord, I take refuge with You from the goadings of the evil ones (Quran 23:97). Having a short phrase ready for the moment of goading is an old idea, and having it ready is half the work.
“and say, ‘Lord, I take refuge with You from the goadings of the evil ones”
Qur'an 23:97
Psychological evidence
A meta-analysis of fifteen studies found that bringing a partner or family member into treatment for adults with obsessive-compulsive disorder improved symptom outcomes. The evidence base is small but it points consistently one way. Those studies brought family into structured treatment rather than testing an agreed phrase at home, so the phrase is one way of doing something that has support in general.
Stewart KE, Sumantry D, Malivoire BL. (2020). Journal of affective disorders · doi
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Why it works. A parent who is never given the content has no reassurance to supply.