1Look back at a fight you went out of your way to have and pride is often what was driving. Being right and being respected feel like needs in the moment, and they cost far more than they return.
This changes what there is to work on. Breathing exercises will not touch a fight you are having in order to prove you are somebody. The question underneath is what you would still be if you let the comment pass, and that one is worth sitting with rather than answering quickly.
Islamic evidence
Everything will perish except His Face (Quran 28:88). Standing that has to be defended in a stairwell was never going to be the lasting kind.
“Do not call out to any other god beside God, for there is no god but Him. Everything will perish except His Face. His is the Judgement and to Him you shall all be brought back”
Qur'an 28:88
Psychological evidence
Across twenty three studies, loving kindness and compassion meditation produced small improvements in life satisfaction. Small is the honest word for it, and it points at a broader base for feeling all right about yourself than winning the next exchange. The studies pooled were varied, so the estimate is rough.
Gu X, Luo W, Zhao X, Chen Y, Zheng Y, Zhou J, Zeng X, Yan L, Chen Y, Zhang X, Lv J, Lang Y, Wang Z, Gao C, Jiang Y, Li R. (2022). Applied psychology. Health and well-being · doi
Review detail
Why it works. Anger that is defending your standing keeps coming back until your standing feels less fragile.
Feedback
none yet2The real skill is not spotting the hole in their reasoning. It is running the same test on the belief you hold most tightly.
Pick something you are sure of, something you would defend at a family dinner, and ask what it would look like if it were only mostly true. Where does it fail. Who does it fail. Doing that once, honestly, on your own ground does more for your temper than a hundred rounds of taking apart somebody else's argument.
Islamic evidence
man will only have what he has worked towards (Quran 53:39). Attention drifts to what other people have got wrong, and this pulls it back to your own portion.
“that man will only have what he has worked towards”
Qur'an 53:39
Psychological evidence
In a randomised trial with students who had symptoms of depression and anxiety, three sessions of either the Attention Training Technique or mindful self-compassion reduced symptoms, with neither clearly better than the other. Two quite different methods arriving at much the same place is a useful reminder that no single framework holds all of it. The trial was small and short, and it was not a test of self-scrutiny.
Haukaas RB, Gjerde IB, Varting G, Hallan HE, Solem S. (2018). Frontiers in psychology · doi
Review detail
Why it works. A belief you have already questioned yourself does not need defending when someone else prods it.