1A break only counts if you come back. Notice the anger, leave the room, actually settle yourself, then return and finish the conversation.
Most people manage the leaving and skip the settling, so they spend twenty minutes rehearsing their case and come back more wound up than when they left. Whatever settles you is fine: wudu, prayer, a walk, slow breathing, washing up. Say roughly when you will be back, and then be back.
Islamic evidence
Seek help through steadfastness and prayer, for God is with the steadfast (Quran 2:153). The middle part of a break is where help is asked for, rather than where the case for the prosecution gets written.
“You who believe, seek help through steadfastness and prayer, for God is with the steadfast”
Qur'an 2:153
Psychological evidence
In a laboratory study, people who repeatedly went back over an angry episode stayed physiologically aroused across trials, while a task that competed for the same mental imagery interrupted both the rehearsal and the bodily load. That was a short experiment with a scripted memory, not a row in a kitchen. It does suggest that a break spent replaying the argument is not much of a break.
McClelland AB, Jones KV, Douglas Gregg ME. (2009). International journal of psychophysiology : official journal of the International Organization of Psychophysiology · doi
Review detail
Why it works. Leaving brings the arousal down, and returning is what stops the leaving from becoming avoidance.
When not to. Agree the shape of this with the other person while things are calm, rather than introducing it for the first time in the middle of a row.
Feedback
none yet2You may need to leave and come back two or three times before one conversation is finished. That is normal, not a sign that the skill is not working.
Bodies come down slowly. You can feel steady enough to return, sit down, hear one sentence and be right back at the top again. Knowing that in advance means the second surge is just the second surge instead of proof that you are hopeless. Say it out loud beforehand if you can, so the other person is not braced for one break and blindsided by two.
Islamic evidence
You are sure to be tested through your possessions and persons (Quran 3:186). Being told in advance that something will be hard is a kindness, because then the hard part is not also a surprise.
“you are sure to be tested through your possessions and persons; you are sure to hear much that is hurtful from those who were given the Scripture before you and from those who associate others with God. If you are steadfast and mindful of God, that is the…”
Qur'an 3:186
Psychological evidence
In an experiment with 200 police recruits, a task that used up self control raised how ready people were to use force in a video scenario. It is one study, measuring intentions rather than actions, and the wider idea of self control as a fuel tank has been argued over since. Even so, expecting less in reserve after a hard stretch is a sensible working assumption.
Staller MS, Müller M, Christiansen P, Zaiser B, Körner S, Cole JC. (2019). Aggressive behavior · doi
Review detail
Why it works. Holding yourself back is tiring, so the second round asks more of you than the first did.