1The thought that nobody at the party will want to talk to you is chemistry, not a report about the world. You do not have to disprove it. You only have to notice where it came from.
Arguing with an anxious thought while the alarm is still ringing is heavy work and it rarely goes well. Reclassifying it is lighter: this is what my body says when it is braced for something. Say that, then get on with what you were doing and let the thought make its claim without you agreeing to it.
Islamic evidence
We know what his soul whispers to him (Quran 50:16). The whispering mind is spoken of as a known thing, not as evidence that something is wrong with you.
“We created man––We know what his soul whispers to him: We are closer to him than his jugular vein––”
Qur'an 50:16
Psychological evidence
Across two different treatments for generalised anxiety disorder, increases in decentering, meaning the ability to stand back from a thought and see it as a thought, went along with improvement in both. That points to standing back as a shared active ingredient rather than something particular to one method. It is an analysis of mechanism inside trials, so it shows what travelled with improvement rather than proving it caused it.
Sarah A. Hayes‐Skelton; Amber Calloway; Lizabeth Roemer; Susan M. Orsillo (2014). Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology · doi
Review detail
Why it works. Treating a thought as a signal from the body rather than as information takes its authority away.
Feedback
none yet2Being told not to worry has never once stopped anybody worrying, including you. If a friend said it to you tomorrow you would carry straight on.
This is worth saying to a parent who feels they are failing at comforting their child. They are not bad at it. The words simply do not do that job for anyone. What does help is staying nearby, taking the fear seriously enough to hear it once, and then going on with the evening rather than negotiating with it.
Islamic evidence
I am near. I respond to those who call Me (Quran 2:186). What is offered is nearness and a response, not a promise that nothing will go wrong.
“[Prophet], if My servants ask you about Me, I am near. I respond to those who call Me, so let them respond to Me, and believe in Me, so that they may be guided”
Qur'an 2:186
Psychological evidence
A pilot randomised trial in 20 outpatients compared metacognitive therapy, which works on a person's beliefs about worrying rather than on the worries themselves, with applied relaxation, and it came out well with nobody dropping out. The interesting part is where it aimed. It was a very small pilot, so it points a direction rather than settling anything.
Wells A, Welford M, King P, Papageorgiou C, Wisely J, Mendel E. (2010). Behaviour research and therapy · doi
Review detail
Why it works. Comforting words aim at the content of a worry, which is not the part that keeps it running.