1A small child works out how to feel about itself by looking at its parents' faces. If that face was missing, or busy, the looking does not stop, it just moves on to teachers, coaches, friends and strangers.
It is part of why being disrespected can feel so much larger than the moment deserves. Some of that old search is still running. The work is slow and it is not about blaming anyone: it is about becoming the mirror yourself, so the face you keep looking for is one you can actually reach.
Islamic evidence
We know what his soul whispers to him (Quran 50:16). Being fully known already is offered as a starting fact, which is a strange sort of comfort when you are still looking for somebody to see you.
“We created man––We know what his soul whispers to him: We are closer to him than his jugular vein––”
Qur'an 50:16
Psychological evidence
In a small waitlist controlled trial, 38 highly self-critical adults were randomly assigned to a loving-kindness meditation programme or a waiting list, and self-criticism fell while self-compassion rose. So a deliberately practised inward warmth can shift things, even in people who are hard on themselves. Thirty-eight people is a very small trial, and the comparison was a waiting list rather than another active approach.
Shahar B, Szsepsenwol O, Zilcha-Mano S, Haim N, Zamir O, Levi-Yeshuvi S, Levit-Binnun N. (2015). Clinical psychology & psychotherapy · doi
Review detail
Why it works. A reflection you never got from outside can be built inside, and then the searching can stop.
When not to. If the search leads back to real neglect or harm early on, that is work worth doing with somebody alongside you rather than alone.