Areas › Anger
Anger
Almost nobody wants to be the person who says the thing they cannot take back. The window between the surge and the words is short and it can be widened. That is most of what this area is about, along with the fear or hurt that anger is usually protecting.
What works for this
Anger control, with distress tolerance
Anger has a runway, and the earlier you step onto it the less force you need. The work is in the seconds before, not in the explosion, and it starts with the body rather than the thought.
One move, today
Name the first physical sign you get. Jaw, chest, hands, heat in the face. That sign is your only warning, and noticing it is the whole skill.
What matches
4 practicesYou are right that the first drink takes the edge off. That is exactly what makes it hard, and pretending otherwise would only be untrue.
The calm is real at a small amount and it turns on you as the amount climbs, which is why the argument at eleven at night bears no resemblance to the…
You are allowed to try something because it seems sensible. What you should not do is tell yourself it is proven, because that is what stops you noticing when it does not work for you.
The idea that going without company makes you hungrier for it is a reasonable guess, and mostly still a guess. Keep it in that shape. If a quieter…
A drink does loosen people up, and that is not a reason to use it. Something can work and still be a poor way to get what you want.
This one matters because the reasoning holds right up until the moment it does not. If a thing softens you tonight and charges you tomorrow, it is…
Say it plainly when you do not know. This seems to help and I am not sure why costs you far less than confidence you cannot back up.
People trust someone who marks their own guesses. It keeps you honest with yourself too, because a claim you have labelled a hunch is one you can…