Areas › Yourself and your limits

Yourself and your limits

Saying no, asking for something, and holding a line are skills, not personality. So is speaking to yourself the way you would speak to someone you love.

What works for this

Compassion focused therapy

Self esteem is the problem rather than the goal, because it needs a favourable verdict on you and therefore needs somebody to lose. Self compassion is the replacement, and it does not require you to come out ahead of anybody.

One move, today

Say to yourself what you would say to a friend in the same position, in the same tone. If that sounds indulgent, notice that you do not think so when it is them.

What matches

2 practices

Narrow these down

Notice your repeating move under stress, please, withdraw, control, and name it. Naming loosens it.

The pattern runs you until you can see it. Once named, it becomes a choice, not a reflex.

Five minutesNotice the pattern and flexDBT skillsQur’an 59:18One line of research

Your worth is not your output. A bad day at work does not lower your value as a person.

You are not a scoreboard. Performance rises and falls; your worth is not pinned to it.

Five minutesYour worth is not conditionalDBT skillsQur’an 17:70One line of research

Learn this in order

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