Lesson 2 of 6 · The four things that corrode it
Three. Contempt, which is the serious one
Contempt is anything that communicates that you are above the other person. The eye roll. Mockery, including the funny voice. Name calling. Sarcasm delivered in company. The sigh with a shape to it.
Of the four, this is the one the research group singled out as the most corrosive, and it is the one people defend hardest, usually as humour or as honesty.
There is a reason it does more damage than shouting. Shouting says I am angry with you. Contempt says I have already decided what you are. Nothing can be repaired by a person who thinks you have concluded that about them.
The tradition treats belittling as a thing in its own right rather than as a manner of speaking. Read the last clause of the report below: it is enough evil for a man that he belittle his brother Muslim. It is addressed to any Muslim about any Muslim and not to a spouse, so carrying it into a marriage is our move and not the report's. The verse below is closer still. Jeering, speaking ill and offensive names are three items off the list at the top of this step, and the clause in the middle of it, who may after all be better than them, is an argument against exactly the settled conclusion that contempt announces. It is spoken about groups. The step across to two people in a kitchen is also ours.
Qur’an and Sunnah
Closer still. Jeering, speaking ill and offensive names are three items off the list above, and the clause in the middle, who may after all be better than them, argues against exactly the settled conclusion that contempt announces. Be clear that this is spoken about groups, and that the move across to two people in a kitchen is ours.
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا يَسۡخَرۡ قَوۡمࣱ مِّن قَوۡمٍ عَسَىٰٓ أَن يَكُونُواْ خَيۡرࣰ ا مِّنۡهُمۡ وَلَا نِسَآءࣱ مِّن نِّسَآءٍ عَسَىٰٓ أَن يَكُنَّ خَيۡرࣰ ا مِّنۡهُنَّۖ وَلَا تَلۡمِزُوٓاْ أَنفُسَكُمۡ وَلَا تَنَابَزُواْ بِٱلۡأَلۡقَٰبِۖ بِئۡسَ ٱلِٱسۡمُ ٱلۡفُسُوقُ بَعۡدَ ٱلۡإِيمَٰنِۚ وَمَن لَّمۡ يَتُبۡ فَأُوْلَٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلظَّٰلِمُونَ
Believers, no one group of men should jeer at another, who may after all be better than them; no one group of women should jeer at another, who may after all be better than them; do not speak ill of one another; do not use offensive nicknames for one another. How bad it is to be called a mischief-maker after accepting faith! Those who do not repent of this behaviour are evildoers
Qur’an 49:11
Read the last clause. It is enough evil for a man that he belittle his brother Muslim. It is addressed to any Muslim about any Muslim and not to a spouse, so carrying it into a marriage is our move and not the report's.
Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allah said:: "The Muslim is the brother to the Muslim, he does not cheat him, lie to him, nor deceive him. All of the Muslim is unlawful to another Muslim: His Honor, his wealth, and his blood. At-taqwa is here. It is enough evil for a man that he belittle his brother Muslim
Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1927graded sound, albanithe Arabic and its grading
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.