Lesson 6 of 6 · When this course is not enough
And the ending nobody wants to write
Some marriages should end. A course that cannot say that is not being kind, it is being cowardly, and the reader can always tell.
The Qur'an is not squeamish about it. It sets out that a marriage is either kept in a right manner or released in a good one, it forbids holding somebody in a marriage in order to hurt them, and it says that if a couple separate, Allah will enrich each of them from His abundance. That last one, 4:130, is rarely quoted, because it is inconvenient for everybody except the person who needs it. Note that it says each of them, not one of them.
There is one report that gets produced at a woman who wants to leave, that the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden to a woman who asks her husband for divorce. It is below, and it is below three times, because here is what gets left off when it is quoted. Every one of the three narrations carries a condition. Without some strong reason. Without harm or cause. When it is not absolutely necessary. The condition is inside the narration rather than something we have added to soften it, and three separate sound chains in our own corpus all carry it. Quoted with the condition attached, it does not reach a woman who has cause. What counts as cause in your own case is a question for a scholar, and this is one of the places where it is worth asking plainly and once.
What ending a marriage requires, and on what grounds, and what is owed to whom, is a matter of fiqh and of the law where you live. A scholar and a lawyer, not a course. What this course will say is only this: neither staying nor leaving is automatically the pious option, and anybody who tells you otherwise has not asked what is happening in your house.
Qur’an and Sunnah
The Qur'an is not squeamish about endings. Kept in a right manner, or released in a good one.
ٱلطَّلَٰقُ مَرَّتَانِۖ فَإِمۡسَاكُۢ بِمَعۡرُوفٍ أَوۡ تَسۡرِيحُۢ بِإِحۡسَٰنࣲۗ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمۡ أَن تَأۡخُذُواْ مِمَّآ ءَاتَيۡتُمُوهُنَّ شَيۡـًٔا إِلَّآ أَن يَخَافَآ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِۖ فَإِنۡ خِفۡتُمۡ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيۡهِمَا فِيمَا ٱفۡتَدَتۡ بِهِۦۗ تِلۡكَ حُدُودُ ٱللَّهِ فَلَا تَعۡتَدُوهَاۚ وَمَن يَتَعَدَّ حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ فَأُوْلَٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلظَّٰلِمُونَ
Divorce can happen twice, and [each time] wives either be kept on in an acceptable manner or released in a good way. It is not lawful for you to take back anything that you have given [your wives], except where both fear that they cannot maintain [the marriage] within the bounds set by God: if you [arbiters] suspect that the couple may not be able to do this, then there will be no blame on either of them if the woman opts to give something for her release. These are the bounds set by God: do not overstep them. It is those who overstep God’s bounds who are doing wrong
Qur’an 2:229
Do not retain them in order to harm them. The Qur'an forbids holding somebody in a marriage in order to hurt them, by name, which is the second thing it is not squeamish about.
وَإِذَا طَلَّقۡتُمُ ٱلنِّسَآءَ فَبَلَغۡنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَأَمۡسِكُوهُنَّ بِمَعۡرُوفٍ أَوۡ سَرِّحُوهُنَّ بِمَعۡرُوفࣲۚ وَلَا تُمۡسِكُوهُنَّ ضِرَارࣰ ا لِّتَعۡتَدُواْۚ وَمَن يَفۡعَلۡ ذَٰلِكَ فَقَدۡ ظَلَمَ نَفۡسَهُۥۚ وَلَا تَتَّخِذُوٓاْ ءَايَٰتِ ٱللَّهِ هُزُوࣰ اۚ وَٱذۡكُرُواْ نِعۡمَتَ ٱللَّهِ عَلَيۡكُمۡ وَمَآ أَنزَلَ عَلَيۡكُم مِّنَ ٱلۡكِتَٰبِ وَٱلۡحِكۡمَةِ يَعِظُكُم بِهِۦۚ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَ وَٱعۡلَمُوٓاْ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ بِكُلِّ شَيۡءٍ عَلِيمࣱ
When you divorce women and they have reached their set time, then either keep or release them in a fair manner. Do not hold on to them with intent to harm them and commit aggression: anyone who does this wrongs himself. Do not make a mockery of God’s revelations; remember the favour He blessed you with, and the Scripture and wisdom He sent to teach you. Be mindful of God and know that He has full knowledge of everything
Qur’an 2:231
Rarely quoted, because it is inconvenient for everybody except the person who needs it. If a couple separate, Allah will enrich each of them from His abundance. Note that it says each of them, not one of them.
وَإِن يَتَفَرَّقَا يُغۡنِ ٱللَّهُ كُلࣰّ ا مِّن سَعَتِهِۦۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ وَٰسِعًا حَكِيمࣰ ا
but if husband and wife do separate, God will provide for each out of His plenty: He is infinite in plenty, and all wise
Qur’an 4:130
Shown three times, because the condition is what gets left off when it is quoted. This wording carries it as without some strong reason.
Narrated Thawban: The Prophet (ﷺ) said: If any woman asks her husband for divorce without some strong reason, the odour of Paradise will be forbidden to her
Sunan Abi Dawud 2226graded sound, albanithe Arabic and its grading
The Tirmidhi narration, and the qualifying clause it carries is without harm or cause.
Thawban narrated that :The Messenger of Allah said: "Whichever woman seeks a Khul from her husband without harm (cause), then the scent of Paradise will be unlawful for her
Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1187graded sound, albanithe Arabic and its grading
And the third, as when it is not absolutely necessary. The condition sits inside the narration rather than being something added to soften it, and quoted with the condition attached it does not reach a woman who has cause. What counts as cause in your own case is a question for a scholar.
It was narrated from Thawban that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:'Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her
Sunan Ibn Majah 2055graded sound, albanithe Arabic and its grading
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.