Lesson 5 of 6 · What feeds the shouting
Children are not an interruption of the good life
Two reports and a verse, for the parent who feels that the children are what is standing between them and being a better Muslim.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, prayed while carrying his granddaughter, putting her down when he bowed and picking her up again when he stood. Not tolerating her presence. Praying with her, with an adjustment made for each posture. A parent who believes their children stand between them and their religion can see that the accommodation went the other way.
The second report is the one about who has the most right to a person's good company, and it puts the mother first, three times. It is usually produced at children. It is here for a different reason, and the reason should be said out loud rather than left to be guessed: in this lesson it is not a demand on anybody. It is a statement about the standing of the person who is being worn to nothing.
The verse names something people rarely say out loud, which is that neither parent should be harmed through their child, and that the work of raising one is shared and consulted over rather than dumped.
Qur’an and Sunnah
And the verse names something people rarely say out loud, which is that neither parent should be harmed through their child, and that the work of raising one is shared and consulted over rather than dumped.
۞وَٱلۡوَٰلِدَٰتُ يُرۡضِعۡنَ أَوۡلَٰدَهُنَّ حَوۡلَيۡنِ كَامِلَيۡنِۖ لِمَنۡ أَرَادَ أَن يُتِمَّ ٱلرَّضَاعَةَۚ وَعَلَى ٱلۡمَوۡلُودِ لَهُۥ رِزۡقُهُنَّ وَكِسۡوَتُهُنَّ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۚ لَا تُكَلَّفُ نَفۡسٌ إِلَّا وُسۡعَهَاۚ لَا تُضَآرَّ وَٰلِدَةُۢ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلَا مَوۡلُودࣱ لَّهُۥ بِوَلَدِهِۦۚ وَعَلَى ٱلۡوَارِثِ مِثۡلُ ذَٰلِكَۗ فَإِنۡ أَرَادَا فِصَالًا عَن تَرَاضࣲ مِّنۡهُمَا وَتَشَاوُرࣲ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيۡهِمَاۗ وَإِنۡ أَرَدتُّمۡ أَن تَسۡتَرۡضِعُوٓاْ أَوۡلَٰدَكُمۡ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيۡكُمۡ إِذَا سَلَّمۡتُم مَّآ ءَاتَيۡتُم بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۗ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَ وَٱعۡلَمُوٓاْ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ بِمَا تَعۡمَلُونَ بَصِيرࣱ
Mothers suckle their children for two whole years, if they wish to complete the term, and clothing and maintenance must be borne by the father in a fair manner. No one should be burdened with more than they can bear: no mother shall be made to suffer harm on account of her child, nor any father on account of his. The same duty is incumbent on the father’s heir. If, by mutual consent and consultation, the couple wish to wean [the child], they will not be blamed, nor will there be any blame if you wish to engage a wet nurse, provided you pay as agreed in a fair manner. Be mindful of God, knowing that He sees everything you do
Qur’an 2:233
This is not tolerating her presence. It is praying with her, with an adjustment made for each posture. A parent who believes their children stand between them and their religion can see that the accommodation went the other way.
Abu Qatada al-Ansari reported:I saw the Apostle (ﷺ) leading the people in prayer with Umima, daughter of Abu'l-'As and Zainab, daughter of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), on his shoulder. When he bowed, he put her down, and when he got up after prostration, he lifted her again
Sahih Muslim 543graded sound, sahihaynthe Arabic and its grading
Usually produced at children, so its reason for being here should be said out loud rather than left to be guessed. Here it is not a demand on anybody. It is a statement about the standing of the person who is being worn to nothing.
Narrated Abu Huraira:A man came to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Your mother." The man said. "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Your mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Your father
Sahih al-Bukhari 5971graded sound, sahihaynthe Arabic and its grading
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.