Lesson 2 of 6 · Shame and guilt are doing different jobs
The one sentence
Still nothing about changing the behaviour. This is about hearing the difference between the two sentences.
The move
Moving from shame to guilt on purpose
5 minutes or less
- Write the sentence in your head. It will usually be about what you are.
- Rewrite it as a sentence about what you did. I am disgusting becomes I did something I do not want to do.
- Notice which of the two leaves you able to act tomorrow.
- Shame is about the self and it predicts more of the behaviour. Guilt is about the act and it does not. This is the whole strategy.
If it does not work
If the rewrite feels like letting yourself off, notice that the evidence runs the other way: the people who stay in shame do it more, not less.
Write the one sentence
A specific plan works better than a good intention. Fill both halves in your own words.
When
I will
Put it in your calendar
Pick a day and a time and you will get a calendar file to open. Nothing is sent anywhere.
Kept in this browser only.