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Areas › Your body › Touch and bodywork
The person delivering it is not there to hold what surfaces, and often has no training for it. So ask directly, ask about what parts of the body are difficult, and if there is any doubt, do some preparation first: what they will say to stop it, staying clothed, sitting rather than lying, someone in the room. None of this is fussy. It is what makes the referral safe enough to be useful.
'No one should be burdened with more than they can bear' (Quran 2:233). Knowing what someone can bear means asking first rather than finding out afterwards.
البقرة
۞وَٱلۡوَٰلِدَٰتُ يُرۡضِعۡنَ أَوۡلَٰدَهُنَّ حَوۡلَيۡنِ كَامِلَيۡنِۖ لِمَنۡ أَرَادَ أَن يُتِمَّ ٱلرَّضَاعَةَۚ وَعَلَى ٱلۡمَوۡلُودِ لَهُۥ رِزۡقُهُنَّ وَكِسۡوَتُهُنَّ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۚ لَا تُكَلَّفُ نَفۡسٌ إِلَّا وُسۡعَهَاۚ لَا تُضَآرَّ وَٰلِدَةُۢ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلَا مَوۡلُودࣱ لَّهُۥ بِوَلَدِهِۦۚ وَعَلَى ٱلۡوَارِثِ مِثۡلُ ذَٰلِكَۗ فَإِنۡ أَرَادَا فِصَالًا عَن تَرَاضࣲ مِّنۡهُمَا وَتَشَاوُرࣲ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيۡهِمَاۗ وَإِنۡ أَرَدتُّمۡ أَن تَسۡتَرۡضِعُوٓاْ أَوۡلَٰدَكُمۡ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيۡكُمۡ إِذَا سَلَّمۡتُم مَّآ ءَاتَيۡتُم بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۗ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَ وَٱعۡلَمُوٓاْ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ بِمَا تَعۡمَلُونَ بَصِيرࣱ
Mothers suckle their children for two whole years, if they wish to complete the term, and clothing and maintenance must be borne by the father in a fair manner. No one should be burdened with more than they can bear: no mother shall be made to suffer harm on account of her child, nor any father on account of his. The same duty is incumbent on the father’s heir. If, by mutual consent and consultation, the couple wish to wean [the child], they will not be blamed, nor will there be any blame if you wish to engage a wet nurse, provided you pay as agreed in a fair manner. Be mindful of God, knowing that He sees everything you do
Qur’an 2:233read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In a set of randomised experiments, brief affectionate touch during conflict buffered stress and protected relationship quality compared with no touch. Notice the setting: touch from a partner within an established relationship. That is the condition under which touch soothes, and it is exactly what cannot be assumed with a stranger and a survivor.
Jakubiak BK, Feeney BC. (2019). Hand-in-Hand Combat: Affectionate Touch Promotes Relational Well-Being and Buffers Stress During Conflict.. Personality & social psychology bulletin doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Touch that arrives before a person is ready reaches the same old alarm rather than the calm you were aiming for.
If a person has a history of sexual or physical abuse, this needs working through with a therapist before any touch based referral.
When a treatment is described as approved, ask what it is approved for. Magnetic brain stimulation is licensed for depression, and using it for attention problems is off label.
There is a real difference between a practice you add to your treatment and one you use in place of it. Massage, breathing, acupressure and the rest belong in the first group.
You choose what to work on and how big a piece of it. A sore shoulder, a low mood, the belief that you are too much: all of them are allowed, and so is starting small.