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Areas › Focus, starting, and ADHD › Screens and attention
The young person in front of you almost certainly says it too, so any version that sounds like a reprimand will close the conversation down. Naming it as play keeps it open, and it does the actual work, which is putting a little space between the phrase and its meaning so that you can both notice when the meaning is genuinely there. Stay curious rather than solemn. What does it mean when you say it, and has it ever meant more than that.
When they see some frivolity, they pass by with dignity (Quran 25:72). Passing by is not the same as scolding, and that difference is roughly what this reframe is aiming at.
الفرقان
وَٱلَّذِينَ لَا يَشۡهَدُونَ ٱلزُّورَ وَإِذَا مَرُّواْ بِٱللَّغۡوِ مَرُّواْ كِرَامࣰ ا
[The servants of the Lord of Mercy are] those who do not give false testimony, and who, when they see some frivolity, pass by with dignity
Qur’an 25:72read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A systematic review has synthesised the maladaptive beliefs and thinking patterns that appear to sit underneath internet gaming disorder and that treatment therefore needs to target. It is about gaming rather than about language, and it describes what people believe rather than testing any way of speaking to them. It supports working at the level of meaning underneath a behaviour, which is what this reframe is doing.
King DL, Delfabbro PH. (2014). The cognitive psychology of Internet gaming disorder.. Clinical psychology review doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Naming the habit without blaming the person keeps them talking, and talking is where you find out what is really going on.
Asked what all the scrolling had done to her most, one young woman did not say sad. She said angry, more or less all the time.
Tell someone their phone is wrecking their sleep and you have handed them something to argue with. Ask instead what they notice on the mornings after a late scroll, and let them say it.
More hours on social media goes with more anxiety and low mood. That is a reason to aim at fewer hours, a conversation you can actually have, rather than at none, which usually ends the conversation.