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Areas › Focus, starting, and ADHD › Feelings and focus
Some people hold everything mentally because letting go of it feels like the thing will stop existing. The answer is not trying harder to remember. It is one list, in one place, that you trust: paper, phone, the back of the door. The relief people describe is out of all proportion to how small the change is, because the low hum of dread had been doing the job of the list.
'do not take us to task if we forget or make mistakes' (Quran 2:286). Forgetting is treated as part of being human rather than as a fault to be fixed by trying harder.
البقرة
لَا يُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّهُ نَفۡسًا إِلَّا وُسۡعَهَاۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتۡ وَعَلَيۡهَا مَا ٱكۡتَسَبَتۡۗ رَبَّنَا لَا تُؤَاخِذۡنَآ إِن نَّسِينَآ أَوۡ أَخۡطَأۡنَاۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تَحۡمِلۡ عَلَيۡنَآ إِصۡرࣰ ا كَمَا حَمَلۡتَهُۥ عَلَى ٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبۡلِنَاۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تُحَمِّلۡنَا مَا لَا طَاقَةَ لَنَا بِهِۦۖ وَٱعۡفُ عَنَّا وَٱغۡفِرۡ لَنَا وَٱرۡحَمۡنَآۚ أَنتَ مَوۡلَىٰنَا فَٱنصُرۡنَا عَلَى ٱلۡقَوۡمِ ٱلۡكَٰفِرِينَ
God does not burden any soul with more than it can bear: each gains whatever good it has done, and suffers its bad- ‘ Lord, do not take us to task if we forget or make mistakes. Lord, do not burden us as You burdened those before us. Lord, do not burden us with more than we have strength to bear. Pardon us, forgive us, and have mercy on us. You are our Protector, so help us against the disbelievers.’
Qur’an 2:286read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A health technology assessment of therapeutic writing found that unfacilitated writing, done by a person on their own, is the best researched form of it, with the guided versions much less studied. That work is about writing to process experience rather than to organise a week. Even so, putting things on paper is the better studied end of self help, which is some comfort if this feels too simple to matter.
Nyssen OP, Taylor SJ, Wong G, Wong G, Steed E, Bourke L, Lord J, Ross CA, Hayman S, Field V, Higgins A, Greenhalgh T, Meads C. (2016). Does therapeutic writing help people with long-term conditions? Systematic review, realist synthesis and economic considerations.. Health technology assessment (Winchester, England) doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A memory system that keeps failing produces constant background fear, so moving it outside your head removes the cause rather than the symptom.
Being good at apologising is a real skill, and it loses value each time the same apology comes round. After a while what repairs things is something visibly different, not a better sentence.
Fear tends to make its case as caution. Try not to let it quietly shrink what you are willing to attempt, because the shrinking rarely stops on its own.
Step in while a child is only starting to wind up, and offer something calming rather than a correction. Slow breathing, counting, a soft toy, a quiet corner for a few minutes.