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Areas › Focus, starting, and ADHD › Feelings and focus
Decide the leaving time before you arrive and say it out loud on the way in, so that it is a plan rather than a walkout. Booking something afterwards helps you hold the line. The last hour of these evenings is usually where the damage gets done, when everybody is tired and the old material comes out.
'when the foolish address them, reply, Peace' (Quran 25:63) is offered as the whole exchange. Something brief and courteous, and then on with the evening.
الفرقان
وَعِبَادُ ٱلرَّحۡمَٰنِ ٱلَّذِينَ يَمۡشُونَ عَلَى ٱلۡأَرۡضِ هَوۡنࣰ ا وَإِذَا خَاطَبَهُمُ ٱلۡجَٰهِلُونَ قَالُواْ سَلَٰمࣰ ا
The servants of the Lord of Mercy are those who walk humbly on the earth, and who, when the foolish address them, reply, ‘Peace’
Qur’an 25:63read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A three level meta-analysis of 75 studies found that sensitivity to rejection is associated with depression, anxiety and loneliness, at moderate strength. If remarks land harder on you than on other people, limiting the hours you spend in range of them is a fair adjustment. These are associations rather than causes, and moderate rather than large, so take it as context and not as a description of you.
Gao S, Assink M, Cipriani A, Lin K. (2017). Associations between rejection sensitivity and mental health outcomes: A meta-analytic review.. Clinical psychology review doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Whatever you have for holding yourself steady runs down over the evening, so leaving before it is gone protects the whole visit.
When your child comes to you in a spin, the kind thing is to stay warm and steady rather than to promise that it will be fine. Reassurance settles the next ten minutes and feeds the asking.
Self-restraint runs on a supply that stress uses up. In a week when everything is late and nothing has been slept on, you will react to things you would normally let go.
If you run a group for people with ADHD, keep it to about five or six, or bring in a second facilitator. Past that you spend the session keeping order instead of doing the work.