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Areas › Focus, starting, and ADHD › Self-compassion
The relief when you avoid it arrives instantly, which is exactly why the loop tightens. Meanwhile the pile of unopened post has not moved, so next time round there is more to feel bad about. Notice which subjects have gone quiet and untouchable in your life, because that is usually where this has happened. Opening one of them slightly, before any new system, is often the real first step.
My servants who have harmed yourselves by your own excess, do not despair of God's mercy (Quran 39:53). It is addressed to people who genuinely have made a mess of things, which is the audience that needs to hear it.
الزمر
۞قُلۡ يَٰعِبَادِيَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَسۡرَفُواْ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِهِمۡ لَا تَقۡنَطُواْ مِن رَّحۡمَةِ ٱللَّهِۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَغۡفِرُ ٱلذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًاۚ إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلۡغَفُورُ ٱلرَّحِيمُ
Say, ‘[God says], My servants who have harmed yourselves by your own excess, do not despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful
Qur’an 39:53read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Compassion focused therapy was developed for people whose difficulties are bound up with shame and self criticism, and an early systematic review drew its evidence together and set out what better trials would need to show. Separately, a systematic review and meta analysis quantified how much self stigma reduces the chance that someone seeks help at all. Together they support treating the shame as a first target rather than a side issue, though the treatment evidence at that stage was still early.
Leaviss J, Uttley L. (2015). Psychotherapeutic benefits of compassion-focused therapy: an early systematic review.. Psychological medicine doi
Schnyder N, Panczak R, Groth N, Schultze-Lutter F. (2017). Association between mental health-related stigma and active help-seeking: systematic review and meta-analysis.. The British journal of psychiatry : the journal of mental science doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Avoiding something feels better straight away and guarantees it will still be waiting, larger, later on.
If the avoidance has grown into unopened post everywhere, missed medical appointments or serious debt, get somebody alongside you for the first pass rather than doing it alone.
There is a difference between having ADHD and being ADHD. It sounds like word games until you notice which one you are living in.
When you fall off task, restart without the pile-on. Talk to yourself like a good coach, not a critic.
Every list, timer and rule exists to buy you a life worth having. If the systems have quietly become the point, something has turned the wrong way round.