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Areas › Anger › What anger actually is
It feels like the opposite of dependence, all force and self-sufficiency, which is why it goes unnoticed. Look at the shape of the complaint. If the only thing that would settle you is an apology delivered exactly right, the repair has been handed over, and it may never come back. Building a sense of your own worth that does not need their cooperation is slow work, and it is the part that lasts.
he is fretful when misfortune touches him (Quran 70:20). The reflex to demand relief from outside is described as ordinary human wiring, not a private disgrace.
المعارج
إِذَا مَسَّهُ ٱلشَّرُّ جَزُوعࣰ ا
he is fretful when misfortune touches him
Qur’an 70:20read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In a survey of 335 hospital nurses, rigid beliefs about how other people ought to behave, together with a habit of dwelling on slights, predicted whether anger got bottled up or came out destructively. Firm expectations of others were part of what shaped where it went. This was a cross-sectional survey in one profession, so it maps a pattern rather than showing what causes what.
Ham EM, You MJ. (2018). Role of Irrational Beliefs and Anger Rumination on Nurses' Anger Expression Styles.. Workplace health & safety doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Anything that depends on another person behaving a certain way can be withheld, and waiting for it keeps you stuck.
Put a word to it while it is happening. Saying quietly that this is anger and it is climbing gives you something to hold that the bare feeling does not.
Emotions are loud on purpose. The intensity is your system saying that something here matters, so the question worth asking is what it thinks is at stake.
This is just how I am ends more attempts at change than anything else. It is also less true than it feels.