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Areas › Anger › What anger actually is
Most difficulties give you time. This one can hand you an outcome that cannot be undone, and it can do it before you have finished deciding whether it is really a problem. If you are waiting for a calmer stretch before you start working on it, that is the thing to notice.
He threw the tablets down and seized his brother by the hair (Quran 7:150). Even in a prophet the overreach happens quickly, inside the moment, before the anger has passed.
الأعراف
وَلَمَّا رَجَعَ مُوسَىٰٓ إِلَىٰ قَوۡمِهِۦ غَضۡبَٰنَ أَسِفࣰ ا قَالَ بِئۡسَمَا خَلَفۡتُمُونِي مِنۢ بَعۡدِيٓۖ أَعَجِلۡتُمۡ أَمۡرَ رَبِّكُمۡۖ وَأَلۡقَى ٱلۡأَلۡوَاحَ وَأَخَذَ بِرَأۡسِ أَخِيهِ يَجُرُّهُۥٓ إِلَيۡهِۚ قَالَ ٱبۡنَ أُمَّ إِنَّ ٱلۡقَوۡمَ ٱسۡتَضۡعَفُونِي وَكَادُواْ يَقۡتُلُونَنِي فَلَا تُشۡمِتۡ بِيَ ٱلۡأَعۡدَآءَ وَلَا تَجۡعَلۡنِي مَعَ ٱلۡقَوۡمِ ٱلظَّٰلِمِينَ
On his return to his people, angry and aggrieved, Moses said, ‘How foul and evil is what you have done in my absence! Were you so keen to bring your Lord’s judgement forward?’ He threw the tablets down and seized his brother by the hair, pulling him towards him. Aaron said, ‘Son of my mother, these people overpowered me! They almost killed me! Do not give my enemies reason to rejoice! Do not include me with these evildoers!’
Qur’an 7:150read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In a study following 103 combat veterans, high anger at intake predicted a poorer response to trauma treatment nine months later, which suggests anger left alone can hold up recovery elsewhere. Waiting is not a neutral choice. It was one clinical cohort in a specific population, so the size of the effect in other groups is not established.
Forbes D, Parslow R, Creamer M, Allen N, McHugh T, Hopwood M. (2008). Mechanisms of anger and treatment outcome in combat veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder.. Journal of traumatic stress doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Some of what anger costs cannot be taken back afterwards, however sorry you are.
If you think you might seriously hurt someone, treat that as urgent and get help the same day rather than working on it alone.
Anger is a bit like fingernails where claws used to be. Still there, still occasionally useful, mostly not what the situation is asking for.
Anger feels righteous while it lasts. The useful moment comes later, when the regret shows up and the story has gone quiet.
Not every bit of anger is a problem to be solved. Two people squaring up over something that matters, or a mother going hard at whatever threatens her child, is anger doing exactly what it is for.