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Areas › Anger › What anger actually is
Because it is made of a story, it can be handled at the level of the story. What did that gesture actually mean. What would it mean if they were simply tired. Whether one person treating you badly settles anything at all about your worth. Those questions do nothing for a sudden flare, and with this kind they are most of the work.
do not let hatred of others lead you away from justice (Quran 5:8). What you feel about how you were treated bends your judgement, and the instruction takes that for granted.
المائدة
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ كُونُواْ قَوَّٰمِينَ لِلَّهِ شُهَدَآءَ بِٱلۡقِسۡطِۖ وَلَا يَجۡرِمَنَّكُمۡ شَنَـَٔانُ قَوۡمٍ عَلَىٰٓ أَلَّا تَعۡدِلُواْۚ ٱعۡدِلُواْ هُوَ أَقۡرَبُ لِلتَّقۡوَىٰۖ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ خَبِيرُۢ بِمَا تَعۡمَلُونَ
You who believe, be steadfast in your devotion to God and bear witness impartially: do not let hatred of others lead you away from justice, but adhere to justice, for that is closer to awareness of God. Be mindful of God: God is well aware of all that you do
Qur’an 5:8read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In a survey of 335 hospital nurses, rigid beliefs about how other people ought to behave, alongside a habit of dwelling on slights, predicted whether anger came out destructively or got bottled up. Firm expectations of others were part of the machinery. It was cross-sectional and in one profession, so it shows an association rather than a cause.
Ham EM, You MJ. (2018). Role of Irrational Beliefs and Anger Rumination on Nurses' Anger Expression Styles.. Workplace health & safety doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
An insult only stings for as long as you accept its account of you.
Some anger is disappointed idealism. You expected better of people, or of the world, and the gap between how things should be and how they are comes out as indignation.
The energy behind your anger is not waste. People who feel strongly about what is wrong are often the ones who end up changing something.
Muttering under your breath is not nothing. It is the quiet end of the same behaviour as raising your voice, a small warning shot that costs you almost nothing to fire.