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Areas › Anger › What anger actually is
Escalating is genuinely easier than resolving, which is why it wins so often when you are tired. Seen that way it is not a flaw in your character but a shortcut your mind takes when the full route looks expensive. The alternative is staying in the not knowing a little longer, and that is a skill to practise rather than a virtue you are supposed to already have.
Man prays for harm, just as he prays for good: man is ever hasty (Quran 17:11). What anger is certain it wants is not always what would actually help you.
الإسراء
وَيَدۡعُ ٱلۡإِنسَٰنُ بِٱلشَّرِّ دُعَآءَهُۥ بِٱلۡخَيۡرِۖ وَكَانَ ٱلۡإِنسَٰنُ عَجُولࣰ ا
Yet man prays for harm, just as he prays for good: man is ever hasty
Qur’an 17:11read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Across 51 samples and just over 21,000 people, the habit of rethinking a situation was modestly linked to better mental health, a correlation of about .26, while habitually holding feelings in was linked to worse. These are small effects and the data are cross-sectional. Modest is still worth having, but it means rethinking is a slow gain rather than a switch.
Hu T, Zhang D, Wang J, Mistry R, Ran G, Wang X. (2014). Relation between emotion regulation and mental health: a meta-analysis review.. Psychological reports doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Anger removes the complications, and a simple picture is far easier to act on than a true one.
Anger is not a state you sit inside. It is the opening move of a sequence, and a sequence can be interrupted.
Two people can be equally angry and need opposite help. One goes off quickly and it is over, the other never raises their voice and is still going three days later.
A certain wariness is standard equipment. Nothing in this work is trying to leave you soft and open to whatever comes along.