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Areas › Anger › What you are actually defending
The claim is only that most of life is not one of those, and that the fear of disrespect is far larger than its actual cost. Keeping the exceptions in view protects the whole point. Any way of thinking that says it covers everything gets thrown out the first time it obviously does not.
Uphold justice and bear witness to God, even if it is against yourselves (Quran 4:135). Saying the part that weakens your own case is set as the standard rather than the exception.
النساء
۞يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ كُونُواْ قَوَّٰمِينَ بِٱلۡقِسۡطِ شُهَدَآءَ لِلَّهِ وَلَوۡ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَوِ ٱلۡوَٰلِدَيۡنِ وَٱلۡأَقۡرَبِينَۚ إِن يَكُنۡ غَنِيًّا أَوۡ فَقِيرࣰ ا فَٱللَّهُ أَوۡلَىٰ بِهِمَاۖ فَلَا تَتَّبِعُواْ ٱلۡهَوَىٰٓ أَن تَعۡدِلُواْۚ وَإِن تَلۡوُۥٓاْ أَوۡ تُعۡرِضُواْ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعۡمَلُونَ خَبِيرࣰ ا
You who believe, uphold justice and bear witness to God, even if it is against yourselves, your parents, or your close relatives. Whether the person is rich or poor, God can best take care of both. Refrain from following your own desire, so that you can act justly- if you distort or neglect justice, God is fully aware of what you do
Qur’an 4:135read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In two studies of American and British citizens, anger, guilt and shame about their country's actions predicted opposition to those actions, and a threat to the country's image changed which of those feelings dominated. Image threat is a real thing that shifts how people respond, at least at the level of a group. Those were survey and experimental studies about national identity, so carry them across to a job interview carefully.
Iyer A, Schmader T, Lickel B. (2007). Why individuals protest the perceived transgressions of their country: the role of anger, shame, and guilt.. Personality & social psychology bulletin doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A claim with honest limits is one you can still use when the limits turn up.
The aim is not to work out the answer. It is to keep moving while the answer is missing, and to find that the fear does not have to run the day.
Not understanding what is happening frightens a person before it angers them. If you flare up when a situation is unclear, you are meeting something very old in yourself rather than a fault you invented.
Say what you would prefer and what you will do, not what they have to feel. I do not like being spoken to this way, and if it carries on I am going to step out of the conversation.