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Areas › Anger › Making it stick
Pick one line you would want ready in your mouth, something like: he is not doing this at me. Repeat it in quiet moments, not only in hot ones. It will feel false for a while, which is normal and not a sign that you are lying to yourself.
So remember Me; I will remember you (Quran 2:152). The practice is answered, which is worth holding on to while it still feels one sided.
البقرة
فَٱذۡكُرُونِيٓ أَذۡكُرۡكُمۡ وَٱشۡكُرُواْ لِي وَلَا تَكۡفُرُونِ
So remember Me; I will remember you. Be thankful to Me, and never ungrateful
Qur’an 2:152read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In a trial comparing two ways of preventing relapse in people recovered from depression, both mindfulness-based cognitive therapy and cognitive therapy worked, and each leaves a person with a skill they carry on using themselves. That supports practised self-management holding a gain, in depression rather than anger. It does not show that rehearsing a sentence you disbelieve produces belief, only that continued practice is what the effect rests on.
Norman A. S. Farb; Adam K. Anderson; Arun Ravindran; Lance L. Hawley; Julie Irving; Enza Mancuso (2017). Prevention of relapse/recurrence in major depressive disorder with either mindfulness-based cognitive therapy or cognitive therapy.. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Saying something many times is what makes it available when you need it fast.
A cold shower hands you a clean, timed urge to work with. You plan a minute, and four seconds in every part of you wants out: notice it, breathe, let the wave pass, then notice it come back.
Sit still, choose a position, and hold it. Within seconds your body will be asking to move the chin or scratch the neck, and each of those small urges is a free repetition of letting an impulse pass.
One or two minutes every day will do more for you than forty minutes once a week. The long sit sounds serious and is mostly a good way to end up dreading it.