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Areas › Anger › Practising under provocation
Write down two or three things you would hate to be thought about you, then look at where they meet your ordinary week. Who is likely to imply it, in which room, at what hour. That is your trigger map, and it is far more specific than a general resolution to be calmer. Once it is specific you can plan for that exact moment rather than for anger in general.
Be steadfast, more steadfast than others; be ready (Quran 3:200). Readiness sits alongside steadiness, and being ready means knowing in advance where you are soft.
آل عمران
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ ٱصۡبِرُواْ وَصَابِرُواْ وَرَابِطُواْ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تُفۡلِحُونَ
You who believe, be steadfast, more steadfast than others; be ready; always be mindful of God, so that you may prosper
Qur’an 3:200read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In a comparison of planning formats, plans that tied one specific situation to one specific response worked better than broad intentions to do better. The study was about everyday eating rather than anger, so the transfer is an assumption and not a finding. Still, if you are going to plan, the specific kind looks like the better bet.
Chapman J, Armitage CJ, Norman P. (2009). Comparing implementation intention interventions in relation to young adults' intake of fruit and vegetables.. Psychology & health doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A plan tied to one particular moment is the kind you actually remember when it comes.
Practice gets more useful when someone is really watching. It also gets harder, so agree that part before you begin instead of adding it once the person is already in the middle of it.
Another one: take a couple of extra items into the express lane and see what actually happens. Almost always it is a look and nothing more, which is worth learning first hand.
Steadiness under provocation is built the way immunity is, in small doses taken on purpose, at a size you can still handle. Waiting for a real fight to test yourself is too big a dose to learn anything from.