When you catch yourself dodging, just note it. Telling yourself off adds shame to a moment that already had plenty going on.

What the research says

In a randomised trial, adding motivational strategies to a programme for men who had been violent towards partners improved the empathy those programmes set out to build. It supports working with people rather than at them, in a setting where confrontation is the usual instinct. That is a specific population and a specific outcome, so take it as a hint about stance rather than proof about tone.

Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.