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Areas › Anger › Cool the body first
Anger sharpens the line between you and everything outside your skin, and everything on the far side of that line starts looking like a threat or an obstacle. Touching your own hand is a quiet way of softening that edge. It is also completely private, so it works in a meeting, in a car, in a waiting room.
It was He who made His tranquillity descend into the hearts of the believers (Quran 48:4). Calm is described as something that comes down to you, which takes some pressure off having to manufacture it.
الفتح
هُوَ ٱلَّذِيٓ أَنزَلَ ٱلسَّكِينَةَ فِي قُلُوبِ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ لِيَزۡدَادُوٓاْ إِيمَٰنࣰ ا مَّعَ إِيمَٰنِهِمۡۗ وَلِلَّهِ جُنُودُ ٱلسَّمَٰوَٰتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضِۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمࣰ ا
It was He who made His tranquillity descend into the hearts of the believers, to add faith to their faith––the forces of the heavens and earth belong to God; He is all knowing and all wise––
Qur’an 48:4read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Talk of the self and other boundary dissolving is poetry rather than physiology, and it is only fair to say so. On the other hand, a small controlled study found people with depersonalisation had blunted physical arousal and felt less numb and less disembodied when arousal was deliberately raised through biofeedback. That is a reminder that not everyone needs settling down, so read your own state before choosing a direction.
Schoenberg PL, Sierra M, David AS. (2012). Psychophysiological investigations in depersonalization disorder and effects of electrodermal biofeedback.. Journal of trauma & dissociation : the official journal of the International Society for the Study of Dissociation (ISSD) doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Steady contact gives your attention something plain and physical to hold while the feeling passes its peak.
If your trouble is numbness rather than heat, this will do little, and something that raises your energy will serve you better.
The urge to punch a wall is the body trying to dump a load of energy. Give it somewhere to go that will not cost you a hand or a door.
Better to hum like a bee than to sting like one. Silly, and that is why it will still be there when you need it.
Telling yourself to calm down asks the part of you that has just gone offline to do the work. Have something practised and physical ready instead, something your hands and lungs can do without instructions.