Loading practices
Loading practices
Areas › Anger › Choosing your response
Bodies come down slowly. You can feel steady enough to return, sit down, hear one sentence and be right back at the top again. Knowing that in advance means the second surge is just the second surge instead of proof that you are hopeless. Say it out loud beforehand if you can, so the other person is not braced for one break and blindsided by two.
You are sure to be tested through your possessions and persons (Quran 3:186). Being told in advance that something will be hard is a kindness, because then the hard part is not also a surprise.
آل عمران
۞لَتُبۡلَوُنَّ فِيٓ أَمۡوَٰلِكُمۡ وَأَنفُسِكُمۡ وَلَتَسۡمَعُنَّ مِنَ ٱلَّذِينَ أُوتُواْ ٱلۡكِتَٰبَ مِن قَبۡلِكُمۡ وَمِنَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَشۡرَكُوٓاْ أَذࣰ ى كَثِيرࣰ اۚ وَإِن تَصۡبِرُواْ وَتَتَّقُواْ فَإِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ مِنۡ عَزۡمِ ٱلۡأُمُورِ
you are sure to be tested through your possessions and persons; you are sure to hear much that is hurtful from those who were given the Scripture before you and from those who associate others with God. If you are steadfast and mindful of God, that is the best course
Qur’an 3:186read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In an experiment with 200 police recruits, a task that used up self control raised how ready people were to use force in a video scenario. It is one study, measuring intentions rather than actions, and the wider idea of self control as a fuel tank has been argued over since. Even so, expecting less in reserve after a hard stretch is a sensible working assumption.
Staller MS, Müller M, Christiansen P, Zaiser B, Körner S, Cole JC. (2019). Ego depletion and the use of force: Investigating the effects of ego depletion on police officers' intention to use force.. Aggressive behavior doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Holding yourself back is tiring, so the second round asks more of you than the first did.
One walker keeps a small pebble in his sock on walks he would otherwise take in a daze. Every few steps it says the same thing: you are here, this is now.
You are free while you are still deciding. The moment the words leave your mouth you are carrying out an order you gave, and stopping mid sentence is much harder than not starting.
Set the terms of a break while nobody is angry: what you will say, how long you will take, where you will go, and that you will not drive. Then it is a shared arrangement rather than something you do to the other person.