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Areas › Anger › The fear underneath anger
A surprising amount of anger is really the protest that this should have come later, or with warning, or to somebody else. Drop the expectation of warning and the unfairness thins out, because there was never a version where you got told in advance. What is left is the actual problem, usually smaller than the outrage about its timing.
God has set a due measure for everything (Quran 65:3). Timing you were not consulted about is still measured, which makes it less of an insult.
الطلاق
وَيَرۡزُقۡهُ مِنۡ حَيۡثُ لَا يَحۡتَسِبُۚ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلۡ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسۡبُهُۥٓۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ بَٰلِغُ أَمۡرِهِۦۚ قَدۡ جَعَلَ ٱللَّهُ لِكُلِّ شَيۡءࣲ قَدۡرࣰ ا
and will provide for them from an unexpected source; God will be enough for those who put their trust in Him. God achieves His purpose; God has set a due measure for everything
Qur’an 65:3read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A study of anxiety-related traits found that fear of your own anxious sensations and difficulty tolerating not knowing were strongly related but still separable, both built around a fear of unknown harm. Not knowing what is coming is itself a weight some people carry heavily. It was a questionnaire study at a single point in time, so it maps the traits rather than showing what shifts them.
Carleton RN, Sharpe D, Asmundson GJ. (2007). Anxiety sensitivity and intolerance of uncertainty: requisites of the fundamental fears?. Behaviour research and therapy doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Much of the heat comes from arguing with the timing, and that argument cannot be won.
Not every threat needs answering. A knock to your pride is not a danger to your safety, and it does not require a defence.
Anger makes a convincing costume for insecurity, and the person most often taken in by it is the one wearing it.
A fear pointed at a category rather than at a person is the dangerous kind, because it never has to check who is actually standing in front of it.