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Areas › Anger › Growing empathy
Low empathy is real and it does relate to aggression, but it is one strand among several rather than a switch that is on or off. The moment you file someone under different hardware you stop expecting anything of them, and you stop expecting anything of yourself towards them. Hold the judgement more loosely than that.
if any saves a life it is as if he saves the lives of all mankind (Quran 5:32). One person is made to stand for everyone, which is the opposite of filing someone away as a type.
المائدة
مِنۡ أَجۡلِ ذَٰلِكَ كَتَبۡنَا عَلَىٰ بَنِيٓ إِسۡرَٰٓءِيلَ أَنَّهُۥ مَن قَتَلَ نَفۡسَۢا بِغَيۡرِ نَفۡسٍ أَوۡ فَسَادࣲ فِي ٱلۡأَرۡضِ فَكَأَنَّمَا قَتَلَ ٱلنَّاسَ جَمِيعࣰ ا وَمَنۡ أَحۡيَاهَا فَكَأَنَّمَآ أَحۡيَا ٱلنَّاسَ جَمِيعࣰ اۚ وَلَقَدۡ جَآءَتۡهُمۡ رُسُلُنَا بِٱلۡبَيِّنَٰتِ ثُمَّ إِنَّ كَثِيرࣰ ا مِّنۡهُم بَعۡدَ ذَٰلِكَ فِي ٱلۡأَرۡضِ لَمُسۡرِفُونَ
On account of [his deed], We decreed to the Children of Israel that if anyone kills a person- unless in retribution for murder or spreading corruption in the land- it is as if he kills all mankind, while if any saves a life it is as if he saves the lives of all mankind. Our messengers came to them with clear signs, but many of them continued to commit excesses in the land
Qur’an 5:32read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A meta-analytic review found that empathy does predict youth aggression, though the effect of empathy on its own is small and becomes clearer only when callous and unemotional traits are considered alongside it. So the link is real and more tangled than the popular version. Nothing in it licenses sorting people into those who can feel and those who cannot.
Ritchie MB, Neufeld RWJ, Yoon M, Li A, Mitchell DGV. (2022). Predicting youth aggression with empathy and callous unemotional traits: A Meta-analytic review.. Clinical psychology review doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Treating someone as incapable of feeling removes the only ground on which they might change.
Years of putting up with things build a thicker skin, and that same skin is what stops you being reached by the person in front of you. It can thin again.
Time alone can be a good idea or a dangerous one, and the difference is what sits underneath it. If you are already low, already dodging people, or drinking on your own, a plan to see fewer people is the wrong plan.
You cannot decide to feel closer to people. You can decide to eat with them, walk with them, sit near them and say one true thing, and the closeness tends to follow.