Loading practices
Loading practices
Areas › Anger › Righteous anger and perfectionism
Notice what would happen if you said the softer, more complicated thing in a group that is enjoying being angry together. If the honest answer is that you would lose standing, then you are not choosing freely, and it is worth knowing that about yourself. You can still hold the position. Just hold it because you have looked at it again, not because there was no room to think.
Do not let hatred of others lead you away from justice, but adhere to justice (Quran 5:8). Even a grievance everyone around you shares still has to keep its aim on what is fair.
المائدة
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ كُونُواْ قَوَّٰمِينَ لِلَّهِ شُهَدَآءَ بِٱلۡقِسۡطِۖ وَلَا يَجۡرِمَنَّكُمۡ شَنَـَٔانُ قَوۡمٍ عَلَىٰٓ أَلَّا تَعۡدِلُواْۚ ٱعۡدِلُواْ هُوَ أَقۡرَبُ لِلتَّقۡوَىٰۖ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ خَبِيرُۢ بِمَا تَعۡمَلُونَ
You who believe, be steadfast in your devotion to God and bear witness impartially: do not let hatred of others lead you away from justice, but adhere to justice, for that is closer to awareness of God. Be mindful of God: God is well aware of all that you do
Qur’an 5:8read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A systematic review and meta-analysis found that forgiveness focused therapy improved psychological health in people who had been through hurt, violence or trauma, which suggests the benefit of loosening a grip lands mostly on the person carrying it. What a culture rewards or punishes is a separate question, and this evidence does not answer it.
Akhtar S, Barlow J. (2018). Forgiveness Therapy for the Promotion of Mental Well-Being: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis.. Trauma, violence & abuse doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A grievance that earns you approval is being paid for, and paid habits are hard to stop.
This is not a suggestion that every grievance should be dropped, or that a serious wrong is really a question of tone.
When someone is in full flood, leaving is allowed. Getting out of the way of a person who is past listening is a skill, not a defeat.
That flash of temper when someone meets a fact that undoes their story is not stupidity. It is a mind defending its own shape, which is a real need rather than a shameful one.
A fair share of what angers you each day was selected for you, because outrage is what holds attention. Worth asking what you are being served, and how often.