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Areas › Low mood and hard feelings › Working with anger
Caught early, anger can be chosen. Caught late, it chooses for you.
And when they are angry, they forgive (Qur'an 42:37). Forgiveness begins in the first moment you notice the anger stir.
الشورى
وَٱلَّذِينَ يَجۡتَنِبُونَ كَبَٰٓئِرَ ٱلۡإِثۡمِ وَٱلۡفَوَٰحِشَ وَإِذَا مَا غَضِبُواْ هُمۡ يَغۡفِرُونَ
who shun great sins and gross indecencies; who forgive when they are angry
Qur’an 42:37read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Anger announces itself in the body before the mind. Catching the first tightening, and naming it, is where you can still steer.
Levenson, R.; Gottman, J. (1983). Marital interaction: Physiological linkage and affective exchange.. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology doi
Physiological linkage during conflict predicts declining satisfaction.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Noticing the earliest physical cues of anger widens the window for choice.
Where this sits: Mindfulness-based anger regulation.
When anger floods you, step away before you speak, and come back when your body is calm.
Choose one short remembrance to say the moment anger rises, and use it every single time.
Emptying the feeling out at somebody does not shift it, and being told what to do instead skips over it. What changes things is feeling it with someone who stays.