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Areas › Low mood and hard feelings › Tolerate distress
When you cannot fix the feeling, comfort the one who is feeling it. Small kindnesses to the body settle the mind.
Did He not find you an orphan and shelter you? (Quran 93:6). He sheltered you; sheltering yourself gently is an echo of His care.
الضحى
أَلَمۡ يَجِدۡكَ يَتِيمࣰ ا فَـَٔاوَىٰ
Did He not find you an orphan and shelter you
Qur’an 93:6read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Comforting yourself through the senses, warmth, softness, a pleasant scent, calms the body and eases distress; treating yourself kindly in the moment is itself a skill.
Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity doi
Treating oneself with kindness rather than harsh judgement supports emotional resilience and wellbeing.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Gentle sensory self-soothing calms the nervous system and makes a hard feeling more bearable.
Where this sits: DBT, Distress Tolerance skills.
Accepting reality as it is means dropping the fight with what has already happened. It does not mean staying somewhere that is still harming you.
Say it out loud before you start: you decide how much of this you feel, and when. Stopping for a bit is part of the plan, not a failure of it.
Some people are not frightened of a place or an animal. They are frightened of their own racing heart, their own tears, their own anger, and it behaves like any other fear: it grows on avoidance and shrinks on careful contact.