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Areas › Yourself and your limits › Ask and say no well
Softness of manner and firmness of content are not opposites. Hold the point kindly.
Go at a moderate pace and lower your voice (Quran 31:19). A lowered voice can carry a firm word; strength does not need volume.
لقمان
وَٱقۡصِدۡ فِي مَشۡيِكَ وَٱغۡضُضۡ مِن صَوۡتِكَۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ ٱلۡأَصۡوَٰتِ لَصَوۡتُ ٱلۡحَمِيرِ
Go at a moderate pace and lower your voice, for the ugliest of all voices is the braying of asses.’
Qur’an 31:19read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
The most effective interpersonal skill combines a clear, held position with a calm, respectful manner; heat undercuts the message, and collapse forfeits it.
Linehan, M. M., Armstrong, H. E., Suarez, A., Allmon, D. and Heard, H. L. (1991). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of chronically parasuicidal borderline patients. Archives of General Psychiatry doi
Structured skills training in emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness reduces crisis behaviour and improves functioning.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Pairing a calm, warm manner with a clear request keeps you effective without damaging the bond.
Where this sits: DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness, DEAR MAN.