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Areas › Your body › Grounding and settling
Being told exactly when to breathe in and out is unpleasant for more people than you would expect, and for anyone whose breath was held tight through something frightening it can bring the whole thing back. Movement first and breath following keeps the person in charge of their own air. It is fine to suggest breathing out as they fold, as long as it stays a suggestion.
It was He who made His tranquillity descend into the hearts of the believers (Quran 48:4). Calm is given rather than manufactured, which is a fair reason not to try to force it out of somebody.
الفتح
هُوَ ٱلَّذِيٓ أَنزَلَ ٱلسَّكِينَةَ فِي قُلُوبِ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ لِيَزۡدَادُوٓاْ إِيمَٰنࣰ ا مَّعَ إِيمَٰنِهِمۡۗ وَلِلَّهِ جُنُودُ ٱلسَّمَٰوَٰتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضِۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمࣰ ا
It was He who made His tranquillity descend into the hearts of the believers, to add faith to their faith––the forces of the heavens and earth belong to God; He is all knowing and all wise––
Qur’an 48:4read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A systematic review of 132 self help strategies used without a professional found the evidence for most of them, relaxation among them, is much thinner than their popularity suggests. Paced breathing instructions get handed out with more confidence than that base supports. Given how modest the evidence is, there is little reason to insist on any particular count.
Wolpert M, Dalzell K, Ullman R, Garland L, Cortina M, Hayes D, Patalay P, Law D. (2019). Strategies not accompanied by a mental health professional to address anxiety and depression in children and young people: a scoping review of range and a systematic review of effectiveness.. The lancet. Psychiatry doi
Strength of evidence: long taught, never tested. Widely used and long taught. No trial has established that it works.
Breathing is one of the few things a frightened body still owns, so it is better not to take it over.
If someone finds any attention to their breathing distressing, drop it and work with movement or touch instead.
Steady pressure suits both directions. A weighted blanket, a firm squeeze of your own hands, lotion rubbed in with real pressure, bare feet pressed into the floor.
When you offer someone a practice, ask them to tell you if it did nothing, and mean it. Say out loud that plenty of these do not land.
Say it plainly whenever you teach anything: the way I am showing you this is not the way it has to be done. Change it until it works for you.