Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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36 practices

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Ask plainly: name the facts, say how you feel, say what you want, in a few clear sentences.

Drop the hinting. State the situation, your feeling, and the request. Clear is kind.

Five minutesAsk and say no wellDBT skillsQur’an 17:53One line of research

Before you hand it over, read the original request again. Not your memory of it. The actual words.

Almost nobody enjoys this, which is why almost nobody does it. But work that is good except for the two things nobody remembered is the commonest…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 53:41One line of research

Take ten quiet minutes to decompress before you walk in the door.

Arriving already softened means the day's stress is not spent on the person you love.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictCoreQur’an 3:159Seen more than once

If telling your doctor or midwife what you are using feels impossible, you can ask someone you already trust to pass it on for you, with your permission and in your words.

People often stay quiet with the very clinician who could help, because saying it out loud feels heavier than the problem does. Handing the message…

Five minutesWhen you use something to copeMedical and treatmentQur’an 9:104One line of research

Let the person facing it choose the first step, and let them choose an easy one. A rung somebody picked gets climbed. A rung assigned to them gets argued about.

Ask which one they would be willing to have a go at this week, not which one they ought to be able to manage. The answer usually sits somewhere in…

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Breaking the worry loop

Five minutesFacing it a step at a timeCBTQur’an 29:69One line of research

What you expect from a treatment shapes what you get from it. That is worth a conversation before you start, not months later when it has not worked.

If you are beginning something new and half of you thinks it is nonsense, say so. A doubt that stays unspoken tends to come out as a missed…

Five minutesFeelings and focusCBTQur’an 3:139One line of research

Nobody tolerates something unpleasant for no reason. Before starting anything difficult, get clear about what you want on the other side of it, in your own words.

Something like: I want to sit an exam without being sick, so I am willing to practise feeling uncomfortable. The sentence has to be yours. A goal…

Five minutesFeelings and focusCBTQur’an 2:45One line of research

Do not walk into a hard event and improvise. Ten minutes beforehand, work out what is likely to happen, what you will do about it, and how you get out if you need to.

If someone is coming with you, make it a shared plan. What the signal is when one of you needs air, who says what to whom, when you leave. The point…

Five minutesFeelings and focusADHD skillsQur’an 16:98One line of research

The age by which symptoms have to have shown up is a number people agreed on, not a line in nature. It moved from seven to twelve when the manual was revised.

That matters if you are an adult wondering whether you would even qualify. The old cut-off was itself a compromise between studies pointing in…

Five minutesGetting assessed and diagnosedADHD skillsQur’an 2:32One line of research

You do not need clinical language at an assessment. Some of the wording in the manual came straight from how families described it in the first place.

Phrases about being permanently on the go are in there because people kept saying them. So use yours: that your head is like a browser with forty…

Five minutesGetting assessed and diagnosedADHD skillsQur’an 21:83One line of research

Not all distraction comes from outside. Some of it is a thought that will not leave, circling while you read the same paragraph four times.

That difference matters at an assessment. Being pulled away by everything in the room, and being held in place by an intrusive thought you cannot put…

Five minutesGetting assessed and diagnosedADHD skillsQur’an 50:16One line of research

Eating that runs away from you, and eating you cannot stop once it has started, turn up alongside ADHD more than people expect. Usually it is doing a job rather than proving a weakness.

The pattern leans towards bingeing rather than restricting, which fits: it belongs with the difficulty of stopping something already in motion. Often…

Five minutesGetting assessed and diagnosedADHD skillsQur’an 12:53One line of research

Trouble with eating, and with how your body looks, gets missed far more often in men. The questionnaires and the expectations behind them were built around women.

In men it runs more towards size and muscle than towards thinness, and towards fixing on one part of the body that everybody else says looks…

Five minutesGetting assessed and diagnosedADHD skillsQur’an 17:70One line of research

Strategies for ADHD are visible. A timer on the table, a list on the wall, an alarm going off in a meeting. If someone has not yet made peace with having ADHD, each of those is an announcement, and it will quietly get dropped.

So ask, before handing over another tool: how do you feel about the diagnosis itself? Sometimes the honest answer is that they still half hope it was…

Five minutesGetting assessed and diagnosedADHD skillsQur’an 12:53One line of research

Start with a couple of minutes of movement before any of the difficult talking. Not a warm up for its own sake: a body that has moved is easier to think in.

Two or three minutes is enough. Roll the shoulders, round and lengthen the spine, turn gently side to side. It also says something without anyone…

Five minutesGrounding and settlingBody basedQur’an 8:11Long taught, never tested

With someone grieving, offer your presence more than your words. Sit with them; let silence be enough.

You do not need the right thing to say. Being there, quietly and again and again, is the help.

Five minutesHelp someone grievingGriefQur’an 90:17One line of research

Four things carry most of the difference within the class: how much it sedates, how much it activates, what it does to weight, and what it does to sex.

Before anything is chosen, write down which of the four you cannot live with. Almost nobody is neutral about all four, and the one you will not…

Five minutesWhen everything feels flatMedical and treatmentQur’an 65:7One line of research

If a treatment reliably produces strange sensations, describe them beforehand. Expected strangeness is far easier to sit through than strangeness that arrives unannounced.

With esketamine, feeling oddly detached from your body or the room is the drug doing what it does, not a sign of harm, and it usually clears within a…

Five minutesWhen everything feels flatMedical and treatmentQur’an 6:125One line of research

When a treatment is offered, it is fair to ask whether it is the licensed version or a use that sits outside the licence, and what monitoring comes with it.

Ketamine for depression is the live example. The doses used are far below anaesthetic ones, the nasal form has approval for treatment resistant…

Five minutesWhen everything feels flatMedical and treatmentQur’an 26:80One line of research

Stimulants are not the only licensed route. Atomoxetine, guanfacine and clonidine all hold approval for attention difficulties, and they matter when a stimulant cannot be used.

They usually sit after stimulants rather than beside them, because the comparative evidence still favours stimulants overall. They come into their…

Five minutesMedication and how it worksMedical and treatmentQur’an 73:20One line of research