Areas › Anger
Anger
Almost nobody wants to be the person who says the thing they cannot take back. The window between the surge and the words is short and it can be widened. That is most of what this area is about, along with the fear or hurt that anger is usually protecting.
What works for this
Anger control, with distress tolerance
Anger has a runway, and the earlier you step onto it the less force you need. The work is in the seconds before, not in the explosion, and it starts with the body rather than the thought.
One move, today
Name the first physical sign you get. Jaw, chest, hands, heat in the face. That sign is your only warning, and noticing it is the whole skill.
What matches
2 practicesIf you are going to keep a record of the rough moments, name it in your own words. A hassle log gets filled in. A frustration inventory gathers dust.
The language you actually use in your head is the language that keeps a habit alive. Write the entries the same way: he was hassling me, she went…
Writing down what happened puts a little distance between you and it. Later you are not inside the row any more, you are a person reading about one.
Two things come out of a few weeks of this. You get data: the same time of day, the same person, the same bad night behind it. And you get practice…