Areas › Anger
Anger
Almost nobody wants to be the person who says the thing they cannot take back. The window between the surge and the words is short and it can be widened. That is most of what this area is about, along with the fear or hurt that anger is usually protecting.
What works for this
Anger control, with distress tolerance
Anger has a runway, and the earlier you step onto it the less force you need. The work is in the seconds before, not in the explosion, and it starts with the body rather than the thought.
One move, today
Name the first physical sign you get. Jaw, chest, hands, heat in the face. That sign is your only warning, and noticing it is the whole skill.
What matches
2 practicesThe aim is not to stop feeling angry. It is to stretch the time between the feeling arriving and you doing anything about it, from no seconds to a few.
That target has the advantage of being honest and checkable. You can ask whether you got a moment this time that you did not get last time. The anger…
Notice how much of the tightness in you is the verdict you are passing. As the judging comes down, the body tends to come down with it.
This is something you can test rather than something to believe. Catch yourself narrating: he always does this, she has no respect, typical. Then…