Areas › Worry and anxiety
Worry and anxiety
Anxiety is not a character flaw and it is not weak faith. It is a body doing what it was built to do, at a moment when it is not needed. The practices here work on the loop itself: what worry promises and never delivers, what avoiding costs you, and how to let the body come down.
What works for this
Cognitive behavioural therapy
The treatment with the largest trial base for anxiety works on what you do about worry rather than on what you worry about. Catching it, postponing it, and testing a prediction instead of arguing with it.
One move, today
Pick one worry you had today. Write the exact thing you feared would happen, then write what actually happened. You are collecting evidence, not arguing.
What matches
11 practicesSomewhere between five and ten children in every hundred struggle to get to school at some point, and one or two of those need real help with it. Your family is not a strange case.
It feels rare because nobody mentions it at the school gate. In a school of a thousand that is a dozen or more children needing active support at any…
Anxiety is the most common mental health difficulty of childhood, with something like a third of young people meeting the threshold at some point and a smaller group badly held back by it. Both halves of that are worth saying.
The first half is for the shame: this is ordinary, and keeping it secret is its own kind of avoiding. The second half is so that nobody hears…
The target is getting through the door, not feeling calm about it. Calm tends to arrive afterwards, and mostly for people who went.
It is tempting to wait for a good week, a settled mood, a morning that feels different. Waiting hands the decision to the anxiety, and the anxiety…
Put it the way a grandmother would. Eat your peas and carrots and then you can have your pudding: go in, and then the thing you have been wanting.
Technical language falls out of your head at seven in the morning. A homely sentence survives, and it survives the argument too, because it is hard…
Parents keeping a pattern going are almost never doing it knowingly. Say so out loud, before you explain any of the rest.
A parent who hears that their comfort has been part of the problem will either argue or quietly stop coming, and both of those cost the child far…
Next rung: remark on something in the room. The plant, the noise outside, the length of the queue. Nothing about the person yet, just something out loud about where you both are.
It is the lowest stakes opening there is, because the subject is neutral and the other person can pick it up or leave it. Most of the time a small…
When the words for feelings are not there, ask for a number instead. How much did the handwashing take over this week, one to ten, is a question someone can answer on a bad day.
A number asks far less of a person than a description, which matters when putting feelings into language is hard for them, and you still end up with…
Sleeping tablets, sedatives, antihistamines and alcohol all pull on the same brake. Whoever is prescribing needs the whole list, including the things that do not feel like medicine.
People rarely mention a nightly drink or a sleep aid bought off the shelf, because neither feels like part of the treatment. Together they can add up…
If you have been given a drug from one category for a problem in another, it is fair to ask which part of it is doing the work. Often the useful effect is a side effect that has been borrowed.
The common example is an antipsychotic given in a small dose for sleep, where the drowsiness comes from its antihistamine action rather than from…
Saying that you do not know, and then showing where you would look, beats an answer improvised on the spot. It also teaches the person asking how to check things for themselves.
Name the limit, name the source you would go to, and offer to come back with what you find. Systematic reviews and an ordinary scholarly search will…
Being told not to worry has never once stopped anybody worrying, including you. If a friend said it to you tomorrow you would carry straight on.
This is worth saying to a parent who feels they are failing at comforting their child. They are not bad at it. The words simply do not do that job…