Areas › Low mood and hard feelings
Low mood and hard feelings
Feelings are information before they are problems. The practices here are about naming what you feel accurately, sitting with what will not move yet, and acting on what matters to you even on the days nothing feels like anything.
What works for this
Behavioural activation
The strongest self help evidence in this whole field says the way out of a flat heavy state is through what you do, not through what you think. You act first and the feeling follows, which is the opposite of what the state tells you.
One move, today
Choose one small thing you used to do and do it today without waiting to feel like it. Ten minutes is enough. Waiting to feel like it is the trap.
What matches
13 practicesEvery feeling comes with something it wants you to do. Catching the move before you make it is most of the skill.
Anger wants to push, fear wants to get out of the room, sadness wants to curl up, shame wants to disappear. None of that is wrong, and the trouble is…
Point at the body. 'Your hands went up just then', or 'you put your head in your hands', gives a feeling something solid to stand on.
Feelings argued about in the abstract go round and round. A gesture you both just watched is much harder to dispute, and it opens a door: what was…
There is motion sitting inside the word emotion. Big feelings come out through the body, so if you cannot keep still while you are grieving, that is the feeling moving rather than something going wrong with you.
Think how strange it would be if someone heard they had come into a fortune and just said thank you and carried on with the morning. Joy gets up and…
If a medicine leaves you wired, restless or with a pulse that will not settle, report it rather than tolerating it quietly.
The antidepressants that act on noradrenaline as well as serotonin can raise blood pressure and put nerves on edge, and with some of them that grows…
Try putting a sentence between you and the mood: this is what my brain is doing right now. It does not make me a bad person, and it does not mean I cannot cope. It just feels that way today.
Low mood does not arrive labelled as a mood. It arrives as facts about you, that you are useless, that nobody wants you around, and it is very hard…
When someone tells you they have been hurting themselves, keep your face steady and stay curious. Alarm closes the conversation, and you need it open.
A visible flinch teaches the person that this is not something you can hear, and the next disclosure goes elsewhere or nowhere. It can also make the…
Some thoughts you could defend all day, and debating whether they are true only gives them more of your time. Try a different question: is this thought kind to me, and does it take me anywhere I want to go?
This one earns its place when you have already proved the case to yourself and feel worse for having done it. You are not conceding the thought is…
Shame is visible before it is spoken. Shallow breath, eyes down, shoulders curling in, a voice gone small: the body says it first.
Learn your own version so you can catch it early, and learn to spot it in others without pointing at it like a diagnosis. When you notice the…
When someone's shame fills the room, check your own state before you say anything. If you start to shrink, or to worry that you are handling this badly, they will feel it.
Shame is catching. The particular risk is a quiet spiral of your own, along the lines of I am no good at this, which pulls you out of the room at the…
Change the sentence from 'I am bad' to 'I am feeling bad right now'. It is a small grammatical move and it changes what you are actually dealing with.
One is a permanent description of you, the other is weather. Weather you can wait out, describe, get curious about, tell someone about. Try saying…
Wise mind is not a calmer version of you. It is the state where what you feel and what you have thought through are both in the room, and neither has thrown the other out.
In practice it means you can feel the heat in your chest and still choose the next sentence. Neither half is the enemy: pure logic talks you out of…
Let your face go. Unclench the jaw, let the lips lift very slightly, and let the loosening carry back through your head and shoulders.
You are not pretending to be happy and nobody has to see it. The face holds a lot of the tension of a bad state, and it is one of the few parts you…
You are allowed to put something down. Put it down with a time to pick it up again: Thursday morning, with my therapist, not tonight.
Without the appointment, setting it aside quietly turns into never touching it, and the thing keeps all its power by never being looked at. With the…