Focus, starting, and ADHD

Give the later self a name and be a bit silly about it. Is Thursday you going to be furious with Monday you again? Is Thursday you always the one clearing up?

This lands with teenagers and with anyone bristling at being told what to do, because it is funny and the joke is what does the work. Turning the…

The planning part of the brain is the last to finish growing, and it keeps developing well into the twenties. Eighteen is a legal age rather than a developmental one.

This is worth saying plainly in a family where someone is being asked why they cannot just be responsible now. Nobody expects a fourteen year old to…

With attention difficulties the organising side often runs a few years behind the birthday. A nineteen year old may be running life more like a sixteen year old, and that is a lag rather than a verdict.

Set expectations against where someone actually is instead of what year they were born in. That way the support that felt normal at school does not…

If a year out is coming, call it a bridge rather than a gap. A gap is a hole in a record. A bridge is going somewhere.

That word will be repeated at every family gathering for twelve months, so it is worth choosing carefully. A bridge year has a direction and an end,…

Praise the sitting down at the desk, not only the finished piece. If recognition only shows up when something is completed, most weeks it never shows up at all.

Say what you actually saw, and say it close to the moment: you sat down twice today when you clearly did not want to. Small rewards work too, as long…

Writing things down is not evidence that your memory has failed. It is what happens once there is more in your life than one head can hold.

Most people who refuse a system are protecting something: the sense of being capable, of not being the sort of person who needs help with this. Argue…

Put the uncertainty at the front. Not Thursday, possibly Friday, most likely Monday is worth far more to the other person than a confident yes you cannot keep.

It feels worse to say, which is why people avoid it. But a hedge given early costs you nothing, while a promise broken later costs twice: the thing…

Before anything else, check the child actually knows what the homework is. Most homework goes missing at that first step, not at the effort step.

It might be on the board, on the school portal or in the planner with the teacher having glanced at it, and any of those is fine as long as it can be…

Print the agreement out and stick it up where the child will see it. In a drawer it may as well not exist.

The moment that matters is the one where the console is right there and the maths is not started, and nothing you agreed a fortnight ago is in the…

A wave across the road, a joke with the man in the shop, asking someone how they are and meaning it. These unplanned seconds count for more than they look like they should.

They are also the easiest place to start when arranging a proper meet up feels like too much. Almost nothing is at stake in a greeting, so a fear of…

Ask a friend to be the person who knows. Send them a line on the days you went, with no reply needed. Being known about today is what does the work.

It only helps if you set it up yourself and say exactly what you want, otherwise it slips into being nagged. Keep it small and specific: one line,…

Some of what looks like muddle is the system's fault. Our tenth month is named for eight, because two months were added later and nobody renamed the rest.

Worth saying to anyone who feels stupid about dates and forms. A calendar whose numbers are out of step, a tax year starting in April, forms asking…

If a young driver in your house takes medication, the dose and the car keys belong together. Driving is the everyday task where one lost second costs the most.

The gap tends to open at weekends and in the holidays, when the dose gets skipped because there is no school and then someone drives anyway. Make it…

If swallowing the capsule is the sticking point, ask whether yours is the bead type that can be opened and tipped onto a spoonful of soft food. The little beads go down unchewed and the medicine still lasts as long as it should.

Inside these capsules sit lots of coated pellets, some with thin coats that dissolve early and some with thicker coats that dissolve later, which is…

There is now a version taken in the evening that only switches on around nine hours later, so it is already working when you wake. The point of it is the morning, not the night.

Most families know the first hour of the day as the worst one, because the tablet taken at breakfast has not started yet and everyone still has to…

Saying that medication helps is not the same as saying everyone should be on it. If you have walked in braced for a push, it is fine to say so at the start.

Plenty of people do well with sleep, movement, work that suits them and someone in their corner, and plenty of people need all of that and a tablet…

Most long acting stimulant capsules hold two sorts of beads, one that dissolves straight away and one coated to dissolve later. That is the whole reason a single morning capsule can do what used to need a lunchtime dose as well.

It matters because the midday dose was the one that got missed, and missing it was rarely carelessness. A dose that has to be remembered in the…

Long acting stimulants are the usual starting point for a plain reason: they cover the most hours and they remove the lunchtime dose, which is the dose ADHD is most likely to swallow whole.

Remembering a tablet in the middle of a busy day is itself an executive task, so asking for it is asking the person to do the thing they came for…

Try swapping the word picky for particular. A fair number of people with ADHD have more densely packed taste buds, so the bitterness in a sprout arrives at full volume.

That changes what is going on at the table. A child is not refusing in order to be difficult, they are tasting something stronger than you are.…

Rather than arguing that someone ought to get organised, ask one question. Would your life be better if fewer things slipped, fewer people were annoyed with you, and you spent less of the day worrying about what you had forgotten?

The answer is nearly always yes, and it lands differently when the person says it instead of hearing it. Keep the list concrete and drawn from their…

Somebody will eventually ask you whether you want what is best for your child. It is a sales line, and knowing that in advance is most of what you need to withstand it.

Parents of a newly diagnosed child are frightened, motivated and often exhausted, which is exactly the state that gets marketed to. The question is…