Areas › Yourself and your limits

Yourself and your limits

Saying no, asking for something, and holding a line are skills, not personality. So is speaking to yourself the way you would speak to someone you love.

What works for this

Compassion focused therapy

Self esteem is the problem rather than the goal, because it needs a favourable verdict on you and therefore needs somebody to lose. Self compassion is the replacement, and it does not require you to come out ahead of anybody.

One move, today

Say to yourself what you would say to a friend in the same position, in the same tone. If that sounds indulgent, notice that you do not think so when it is them.

What matches

2 practices

Narrow these down

Ask what this moment actually needs, not what your habit wants. Match the response to the situation.

Health is flexibility: sometimes speak up, sometimes let go, chosen to fit, not fixed by habit.

A minuteNotice the pattern and flexDBT skillsQur’an 16:90One line of research

Two opposite things can both be true: I did my best, and I can do better. Hold both.

You do not have to choose one side of yourself. Wisdom often lives in holding both at once.

A minuteNotice the pattern and flexDBT skillsQur’an 42:40One line of research

Learn this in order

Another course here · 38 minutesWhen worship stops feeling like anythingSix short lessons for the state where you still pray and it returns nothing. It separates four things that feel identical from the inside, explains…Another question here · 6 minutesIs therapy haram?No. Seeking a remedy is instructed in the sound Sunnah, and Muslim scholars were writing clinical psychology in the ninth century. What is worth…Everything in this areaSelf Another course here · 34 minutesThe feeling that arrives after the scrollSix short lessons on the flat feeling that turns up after you put the phone down. It explains why comparison is an ordinary thing a mind does rather…