Lesson 6 of 6 · When to get help, and what help looks like
If one thing stays with you
Let it be this.
Ya'qub grieved for years and the Qur'an does not call it a failure. The Prophet, peace be upon him, wept and said so out loud. Sorrow sits in a list with fever and injury, not in a list of sins.
And the one practical thing. The feeling comes after the action, not before it. You do not have to want to. You only have to do the small thing anyway.
Qur’an and Sunnah
The first of the three things to keep: the grief is reported, at length, with no rebuke attached to it.
وَتَوَلَّىٰ عَنۡهُمۡ وَقَالَ يَٰٓأَسَفَىٰ عَلَىٰ يُوسُفَ وَٱبۡيَضَّتۡ عَيۡنَاهُ مِنَ ٱلۡحُزۡنِ فَهُوَ كَظِيمࣱ
and he turned away from them, saying, ‘Alas for Joseph!’ His eyes went white with grief and he was filled with sorrow
Qur’an 12:84
I plead my grief and sorrow before God (Quran 12:86). He takes it to God rather than holding it in, which is the distinction the whole course turns on and the reason the sorrow itself was never the thing to be fixed.
قَالَ إِنَّمَآ أَشۡكُواْ بَثِّي وَحُزۡنِيٓ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ وَأَعۡلَمُ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ مَا لَا تَعۡلَمُونَ
He said, ‘I plead my grief and sorrow before God. I have knowledge from God that you do not have
Qur’an 12:86
The Prophet, peace be upon him, weeping at the death of his son and saying so out loud. That is the second of the three: the tears and the words of submission sit in one report rather than in competition.
Narrated Anas bin Malik:We went with Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) to the blacksmith Abu Saif, and he was the husband of the wet-nurse of Ibrahim (the son of the Prophet). Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) took Ibrahim and kissed him and smelled him and later we entered Abu Saif's house and at that time Ibrahim was in his last breaths, and the eyes of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) started shedding tears. `Abdur Rahman bin `Auf said, "O Allah's Apostle, even you are weeping!" He said, "O Ibn `Auf, this is mercy." Then he wept more and said, "The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim ! Indeed we are grieved by your separation
Sahih al-Bukhari 1303graded sound, sahihaynthe Arabic and its grading
Sorrow and sadness listed here beside fatigue, disease, injury and distress. That is the third, and it is the argument of this whole course in one line: the company those words keep puts them among things that happen to a body.
Narrated Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira:The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that
Sahih al-Bukhari 5641graded sound, sahihaynthe Arabic and its grading
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.