Lesson 1 of 6 · A loss other people cannot see
A prophet said it out loud, in specifics
Zakariyya, peace be upon him, did not offer a general pious sentiment about the decree. He told Allah that his bones had weakened and his head had filled with white, that his wife could not bear children, and that he was afraid of who came after him.
That is a named, embodied, personal grief about not having a child, spoken plainly, and the Qur'an records it without a word of correction.
He says it more than once and in more than one form. In Surah al-Anbiya it is four words of grief and one of adab: my Lord, do not leave me childless, though You are the best of heirs. And in Surah Al Imran he asks out loud how he can have a son when he is old and his wife is barren, and he asks it after he has already been given the answer, and nobody reproaches him for asking. If you are ashamed of still hoping, that verse is a prophet doing the same thing.
If you have been told that wanting this so much is a spiritual problem, the text is not on the side of the person who told you.
The report below is the one about affliction wiping away sins. It is often deployed to end a conversation, as though you should now be pleased. That is not what it does. It classifies the state, and it places sorrow between disease and hurt. It does not say the loss was a debt being worked off, it does not say the grief is finished, and it is not an answer to anyone's question about how you are.
Qur’an and Sunnah
The passage is shown from its opening because what follows is a prophet naming a grief about not having a child, in specifics.
ذِكۡرُ رَحۡمَتِ رَبِّكَ عَبۡدَهُۥ زَكَرِيَّآ
This is an account of your Lord’s grace towards His servant, Zachariah
Qur’an 19:2
He is not making a public statement of patience here. It is said privately, and what he actually says begins in the next verse.
إِذۡ نَادَىٰ رَبَّهُۥ نِدَآءً خَفِيࣰّ ا
when he called to his Lord secretly, saying
Qur’an 19:3
My bones have weakened and my hair is ashen grey. That is embodied and specific, not a general pious sentiment about the decree.
قَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّي وَهَنَ ٱلۡعَظۡمُ مِنِّي وَٱشۡتَعَلَ ٱلرَّأۡسُ شَيۡبࣰ ا وَلَمۡ أَكُنۢ بِدُعَآئِكَ رَبِّ شَقِيࣰّ ا
‘Lord, my bones have weakened and my hair is ashen grey, but never, Lord, have I ever prayed to You in vain
Qur’an 19:4
And here he says the rest of it. That he is afraid of who comes after him, and that his wife cannot bear children. That is a named, embodied, personal grief about not having a child, and the Qur'an records it without a word of correction.
وَإِنِّي خِفۡتُ ٱلۡمَوَٰلِيَ مِن وَرَآءِي وَكَانَتِ ٱمۡرَأَتِي عَاقِرࣰ ا فَهَبۡ لِي مِن لَّدُنكَ وَلِيࣰّ ا
I fear [what] my kinsmen [will do] when I am gone, for my wife is barren, so grant me a successor––a gift from You––
Qur’an 19:5
The end of the same supplication, and the five verses are one passage shown whole rather than trimmed to the part that sounds most composed.
يَرِثُنِي وَيَرِثُ مِنۡ ءَالِ يَعۡقُوبَۖ وَٱجۡعَلۡهُ رَبِّ رَضِيࣰّ ا
to be my heir and the heir of the family of Jacob. Lord, make him well pleasing [to You].’
Qur’an 19:6
The same grief in a shorter form: four words of it and one of adab, said more than once and in more than one place.
وَزَكَرِيَّآ إِذۡ نَادَىٰ رَبَّهُۥ رَبِّ لَا تَذَرۡنِي فَرۡدࣰ ا وَأَنتَ خَيۡرُ ٱلۡوَٰرِثِينَ
Remember Zachariah, when he cried to his Lord, ‘My Lord, do not leave me childless, though You are the best of heirs.’
Qur’an 21:89
The third form of the same asking. He asks it after he has already been given the answer, and nobody reproaches him for asking.
قَالَ رَبِّ أَنَّىٰ يَكُونُ لِي غُلَٰمࣱ وَقَدۡ بَلَغَنِيَ ٱلۡكِبَرُ وَٱمۡرَأَتِي عَاقِرࣱۖ قَالَ كَذَٰلِكَ ٱللَّهُ يَفۡعَلُ مَا يَشَآءُ
He said, ‘My Lord, how can I have a son when I am so old and my wife is barren?’ [An angel] said, ‘It will be so: God does whatever He will.’
Qur’an 3:40
Often deployed to end a conversation, as though you should now be pleased, and that is not what it does. It classifies the state and places sorrow between disease and hurt. It does not say the loss was a debt being worked off, and it is not an answer to anyone's question about how you are.
Narrated Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira:The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that
Sahih al-Bukhari 5641graded sound, sahihaynthe Arabic and its grading
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.