Lesson 1 of 6 · Alone is not the same as lonely
A health matter, not a private embarrassment
Two things worth setting down at the start. Loneliness is treated in the research as a serious health factor, which is the reason it is worth working on rather than a reason to add a new worry to your evening. And the Qur'an records Yaqub saying that he takes his grief and sorrow to Allah, said out loud, to his sons, in answer to their telling him to stop. The verse just before it describes what the grief had already cost him, his eyes gone white with sorrow, and there is not a word of disapproval anywhere near either one. Naming what you are carrying is not complaining.
Qur’an and Sunnah
The verse just before describes what the grief had already cost him. His eyes gone white with sorrow, and not a word of disapproval anywhere near it.
وَتَوَلَّىٰ عَنۡهُمۡ وَقَالَ يَٰٓأَسَفَىٰ عَلَىٰ يُوسُفَ وَٱبۡيَضَّتۡ عَيۡنَاهُ مِنَ ٱلۡحُزۡنِ فَهُوَ كَظِيمࣱ
and he turned away from them, saying, ‘Alas for Joseph!’ His eyes went white with grief and he was filled with sorrow
Qur’an 12:84
And this is what he says out loud, to his sons, in answer to their telling him to stop. He takes his grief and his sorrow to Allah. Naming what you are carrying is not complaining.
قَالَ إِنَّمَآ أَشۡكُواْ بَثِّي وَحُزۡنِيٓ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ وَأَعۡلَمُ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ مَا لَا تَعۡلَمُونَ
He said, ‘I plead my grief and sorrow before God. I have knowledge from God that you do not have
Qur’an 12:86
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
Across many long running studies, loneliness, isolation and living alone were each linked to a higher chance of dying during follow up. The authors flag their own limits, and the size of the association is why loneliness is treated here as a health matter rather than a mood.
A pooling of many long running studies. Loneliness, social isolation and living alone were each associated with a higher likelihood of dying during follow up. The authors flag two limits themselves. Studies measured loneliness and isolation in very different ways, and poor health also reduces social contact, so cause and effect cannot be cleanly separated here.
Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Baker M, Harris T, Stephenson D (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: a meta-analytic review. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 227 to 237 doi
The same pattern holds for heart disease and stroke: lonely and isolated people had higher rates of both over time. Loneliness was measured very differently from one study to the next, so treat the direction as solid and the size as approximate.
The same pattern for heart disease and stroke. Lonely and isolated people had a higher rate of both over time. The authors flag the same problem with how differently loneliness was measured from one study to the next.
Valtorta NK, Kanaan M, Gilbody S, Ronzi S, Hanratty B (2016). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for coronary heart disease and stroke: systematic review and meta-analysis of longitudinal observational studies. Heart, 102(13), 1009 to 1016 doi